Right
So
what is with people slipping up at the moment, forgetting they don't want me, and leaning in to kiss me? or calling me out of the blue? why do people keep coming back to me? and yet it doesn't send alarm bells ringing to any of them that maybe there's a reason it feels right with me... to be honest, im becoming much less fussed. im regaining my happiness at being my happy single self again, but i just would really rather people made a decision and stuck with it. you chose to be without me. so don't come back to me when you temporarily realise you miss me. and then go back and fuck someone else and tell them u love them. it's really not cool and im not gonna be that person... i have too much self respect.
as for one of them...
i thought I had feelings there, and maybe i still do, but man, it'd be like babysitting. He has so so much potential, and i love him so so much but i spend far too much time being angry at him for disappointing me when i know he's so much more, far too much time being let down by him... As much as i love him to bits, the part i thought i had feelings for is what i know he could be. And the reality is, he's just not ready to be that. which is exactly the same as the LAST guy i was with.
the other thing i adore about him is his childlike innocence, the way he giggles and the way the smallest things bring the biggest look of excitement to his face. I love children, i love these things about them, and i love these things about him, and i love to be a teacher to them and him alike, but at the end of the day, as rewarding as it may be to spend time in the presence of children, and this individual, realistically, you can't have a relationship with them... they're on a whole lower level.
that's my problem. i keep finding people who aren't on my level. either above or below. no one really connects lately.
then i have this other confusion. and that is this boy that i met. he was on holidays. staying at the cott. plenty PLENTY of lovely ladies but me and holly found them first i guess. we hung out with them for the evening and had a good time. then they came to see me at work the next day. then they spent the next night with us. then they called me the next day. and they've gone back to their state, and yet i get a msg today saying he really enjoyed his time, he was spewing he didn't get to see me again before he left, and that he'll see me when he returns in april, and to keep in touch.
now, i dunno bout you, but if i was a guy as good looking as this guy (think: Roman God crossed with HOT footy player)... on HOLIDAY for a week only in another state, i'd be cracking onto as many chicks as possible!! these boys could have had any chick they wanted. and her friend. twice. each. and for some strange reason this guy kept wanting to see me. i dunno. it confused me. not that im complaining. i just don't understand why he'd bother wasting time with me, who he wasn't getting much from, when he coulda been banging stunning blondes with WAY more class...guess im just not used to ANY attention from ur typical metro-type footy-player ridiculously toned, tanned and just plain HOT men (as opposed to boys) lol let alone any attention above anything sexual.
plus all the really really really really hot boys turn out to be cockheads. or they don't notice me or there's no room for me to love them cos their egos are so massive. it's never bothered me. they're not my type, too superficial... i prefer the darker deeper more intense ones (emo lol)
AND i had a great wknd. massive thanks to josh and noddy. loved every minute of it. thankyou.
and to a friend - you will find your way. you're SUCH a great person, and if u stopped looking at all the things u miss about her, maybe you'd see the beautiful things YOU have to offer. She is missing out (as beautiful as she is, i guess my loyalties lie with you) on so many amazing things by not being with you. and hopefully, she will realise that. but don't count on it. get out there and show the world how incredible you are. cos you are. and in the mean time, til u get back on ur feet. im here. promise. LARV you xx
And i guess that's me done for the day...
I've been freaking out a lot lately about the concept of growing old. and being vulnerable. and knowing im going to die. which is funny considering years ago i warmly welcomed the thought... but i don't want to die. and i know a few people who will be happy to read that (p.s. i couldn't have done it without you xx). but even dying now doesn't freak me out as much as dying later on in life. i can't imagine being old. i mean, i've already had blue hair! what the fuck am i gonna do at the age of 80??
so im tryna take a bit more care of my health. cos im worried i'll get to 60 something and i'll be all bent over and fragile and fucked up because of some mistreatment in my tweenties.
also starting to freak a little bit about how much i have to do and how little time i have. the last two weeks just slipped out from beneath me.
ok love you all, as always, and sorry i've been hibernating this week, i really need some chlo time to get back on top of things...
night night xxx
So
what is with people slipping up at the moment, forgetting they don't want me, and leaning in to kiss me? or calling me out of the blue? why do people keep coming back to me? and yet it doesn't send alarm bells ringing to any of them that maybe there's a reason it feels right with me... to be honest, im becoming much less fussed. im regaining my happiness at being my happy single self again, but i just would really rather people made a decision and stuck with it. you chose to be without me. so don't come back to me when you temporarily realise you miss me. and then go back and fuck someone else and tell them u love them. it's really not cool and im not gonna be that person... i have too much self respect.
as for one of them...
i thought I had feelings there, and maybe i still do, but man, it'd be like babysitting. He has so so much potential, and i love him so so much but i spend far too much time being angry at him for disappointing me when i know he's so much more, far too much time being let down by him... As much as i love him to bits, the part i thought i had feelings for is what i know he could be. And the reality is, he's just not ready to be that. which is exactly the same as the LAST guy i was with.
the other thing i adore about him is his childlike innocence, the way he giggles and the way the smallest things bring the biggest look of excitement to his face. I love children, i love these things about them, and i love these things about him, and i love to be a teacher to them and him alike, but at the end of the day, as rewarding as it may be to spend time in the presence of children, and this individual, realistically, you can't have a relationship with them... they're on a whole lower level.
that's my problem. i keep finding people who aren't on my level. either above or below. no one really connects lately.
then i have this other confusion. and that is this boy that i met. he was on holidays. staying at the cott. plenty PLENTY of lovely ladies but me and holly found them first i guess. we hung out with them for the evening and had a good time. then they came to see me at work the next day. then they spent the next night with us. then they called me the next day. and they've gone back to their state, and yet i get a msg today saying he really enjoyed his time, he was spewing he didn't get to see me again before he left, and that he'll see me when he returns in april, and to keep in touch.
now, i dunno bout you, but if i was a guy as good looking as this guy (think: Roman God crossed with HOT footy player)... on HOLIDAY for a week only in another state, i'd be cracking onto as many chicks as possible!! these boys could have had any chick they wanted. and her friend. twice. each. and for some strange reason this guy kept wanting to see me. i dunno. it confused me. not that im complaining. i just don't understand why he'd bother wasting time with me, who he wasn't getting much from, when he coulda been banging stunning blondes with WAY more class...guess im just not used to ANY attention from ur typical metro-type footy-player ridiculously toned, tanned and just plain HOT men (as opposed to boys) lol let alone any attention above anything sexual.
plus all the really really really really hot boys turn out to be cockheads. or they don't notice me or there's no room for me to love them cos their egos are so massive. it's never bothered me. they're not my type, too superficial... i prefer the darker deeper more intense ones (emo lol)
AND i had a great wknd. massive thanks to josh and noddy. loved every minute of it. thankyou.
and to a friend - you will find your way. you're SUCH a great person, and if u stopped looking at all the things u miss about her, maybe you'd see the beautiful things YOU have to offer. She is missing out (as beautiful as she is, i guess my loyalties lie with you) on so many amazing things by not being with you. and hopefully, she will realise that. but don't count on it. get out there and show the world how incredible you are. cos you are. and in the mean time, til u get back on ur feet. im here. promise. LARV you xx
And i guess that's me done for the day...
I've been freaking out a lot lately about the concept of growing old. and being vulnerable. and knowing im going to die. which is funny considering years ago i warmly welcomed the thought... but i don't want to die. and i know a few people who will be happy to read that (p.s. i couldn't have done it without you xx). but even dying now doesn't freak me out as much as dying later on in life. i can't imagine being old. i mean, i've already had blue hair! what the fuck am i gonna do at the age of 80??
so im tryna take a bit more care of my health. cos im worried i'll get to 60 something and i'll be all bent over and fragile and fucked up because of some mistreatment in my tweenties.
also starting to freak a little bit about how much i have to do and how little time i have. the last two weeks just slipped out from beneath me.
ok love you all, as always, and sorry i've been hibernating this week, i really need some chlo time to get back on top of things...
night night xxx