tantrum_child

- anticipation -


i never realised
that my decision
to get off
the drugs
would have such an impact
on my relationships
with people

who knew a healthy
and mature
and future building decision
would leave me feeling
so isolated?

i know they'll always be there
i know they love me
i know they don't want me to feel this way
i just don't think...
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never been much of a feminist
i agree with equal rights
but i hate whingeing
and i can't say i agree with slagging off men as a form of empowering women
equal opportunity is exactly that
equal

fuck this positive discrimination off out the window
anyway
having said that
be me female or male
i'm fucking pissed off
with the lack of respect with which...
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random poem i wrote when thinking about
a) a lesson i did at school asking students what they'd most like at the end of their rainbow
b) thinking about what i might like at the end of my rainbow
c) how lucky i am

it's silly
it's tacky
but here it is... lol




at the end of my rainbow
what might i find?
in my...
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--a victory--

it's only getting harder...

there's too much
uncertainty at the moment
around me

a battle
with a changing lifestyle

i went to a rave friday night
i went to a big rave
all my friends were there
god i love them
and i think i was the only straight person in the building

i had the opportunity
in my pocket
and i didn't...
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haha i was at work and i smacked my knee on the bastard of a fridge something hardkore
so naturally, as i do, i had a whinge about it
haha
"owww i hit my knee and it hurt soooo bad!"
he laughs at me
i straighten up and say "no really. it did. i even had a cry"

he laughs again, and thinking he's all...
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Friday, June 08, 2007


(pasta bake)

i'm wearing your jumper
and i'm thinking of you

i miss you

and i know you miss me too

tonight will be hard
sleeping in our bed
without your arms
without you

i really do love you



i made pasta bake babe
tastes all right hey
and i cleaned the kitchen

and i eat
and i sit
and im...
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that whore

come home at 10 pm looking all happy with herself
she never goes out
let alone at this time
Where the hell have you been?!
10pm... i'm curious
"Coffee... well..." she stumbles "not really a coffee, a sunkist, an oranage drink..."
the stumble over detail you use when you're lying
to make it sound like you really DID do that thing
you're trying...
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blogged my brain for the last week but havent put any up here yet...
so here they are

mines? mine? lost

i drove from the airport today
an emptiness in my chest
my heartbeat void of enthusiasm once felt
tears soaking and bringing warmth to my frostbitten face

i watched the plane take him away
and felt as though i was becoming less and less...
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wash my hands of it

i'm not doing this anymore. it can't go on.
i open my eyes
or do i?
were they not open? i dont remember
i look around
there's my friends
people i care about
people i know
and some randoms
and they're surrounded by a dirty seedy environment

who are we all but the sum of our intake?

what need is...
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in a happy place


Just some thoughts for the last week....

People brought some stuff up, that's made me think about a situation I was in for a good 3 yearsmade me think about all that was in front of me, and all I have now and hence this blog came about



A rapist, a murderer

You take from someone their right of consent and...
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posting blogs i wrote before... all in the last week but havent had a chance to get them up yet
so here they are

-----------
mutuality
-----------


so for ages i kept looking for something that connects with me on most, if not all, levels. even though he's not the same as me, and thats the beauty of it, he wholy opens his arms to...
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