tanja

(Whereupon she found herself face to face with this manthis sorry, self-pitying, dark little creature who reflected back to her through the pools of his black eyes all the things that she sought to forget about herself)

It seems silly and excessive to go through the motions of writing this down, yet that has historically been the only way I could ever makes sense of things, so there is really no other way. In some ways, Im looking at this as an exercise in understanding myself a little bit further so I dont leave things feeling awful or bad, because, I find, it is much easier feeling happy or sentimental about things than angry.

Ive concluded that there were three levels on which we had an attractionthe first being physical, or chemical, or whatever you want to call it. The next, being a genuine affection that was there, I believe, and which is the level I want to remember most. The third level where we met was actually a clashlike a pair of puzzle pieces that simply would not fit together, but were part of a larger puzzle (or maybe notmaybe they were part of two separate puzzles, but I like to think the former) I think it was our simultaneous frustration in knowing that these pieces did not fit that manifested itself in our apparent distaste for each other, which resulted in the clash, which was the dominant force in the end.

Thing is, this happened far too often to you, and you were tired of it. So, no more. For now.