tanja

To my most magical nonexistent lover,

You hovered over me in my preteen dreams, silent and cloaked in a long black coat, feeding me scenes of evening excitement. You never said a word to me - we would talk without speaking, you knowing me inherently, it seemed. On family trips you were my travel partner, and whatever I experienced, I pretended it was with you.

Seeing corpses of dogs floating on Thai rivers, climbing never-ending stairways to the tops of cathedrals, you were with me always, like a guardian angel.

Years passed and you never came, never materialized in human form. I worked my way indifferently through a series of uninspired lovers, all wrong for me from the start. Maybe you just belonged in my imagination, not in my heart.

Did I find a part of you in each mismatched puzzle piece? Are you really somewhere waiting for me?

Alas, my imaginations left me, and you have as well. You belong in the realms of adolescent fantasy with unicorns, the Easter Bunny, and Santas elves. You could never really care for me, because you were never real.

So Ill go through my life with these other dreary humans, flawed and anguished reflections of myself. Maybe Ill meet someone and fall in love soon.

I just wish it could have been you.

Signed,

Your ever appreciative but disillusioned human...