My dorm room is so fucking oppressive. I hate these fluorescent lights.
"Flourescent lightbulbs will make
An absense of dark, but
The light just aint there still and she said
"I'm feeling empty,
The real lights can make you heavy but
Never ever really empty
Flourescent lights will always equal empty."
-Modest Mouse
Even when I'm doing something, I never really feel like it's what I should be doing. I need something worthwhile. But what is worthwhile? The circuits in my brain that create a feeling of satisfaction feel blown.
Just started a new semester... tomorrow will be my 4th day of class in my 4th semester of college. I'm here to learn, but I'm not sure what I should be learning. Changed my major back to "Undeclared". Seems sort of silly for me to be here at all, paying so much money for classes that I am taking simply to take them.
I was originally a journalism major. I like to write. But I don't want to be a *journalist*, atleast not in the academic sense of the word.
I'm 19 years old. I'm in college because I didn't know what else to do. Get an apartment, work a minimum wage job. Bartend for the rest of my life? You finish highschool because it's what you're expected to do, and then all of a sudden your future is there, like a blank page. Fill in the blanks. What do you want to do for the rest of your life? How are you going to eat, live, make money? I have writer's block something terrible.
The only thing I'm really sure about is what I love and what I miss. Atleast it's comforting to know it's all there, even if I'm not. The people I love, the people I hate, the people I've known for years and years. Punk shows at the FOE, loud houses that smell like stale beer and cats. My mom's cooking. Cable TV with too many channels and nothing ever on. Ryan. Total contentment.
I'm still hopeful when it comes to Moscow though. Moving here was a major life decision, and along with that decision came a commitment. To make life here as fulfilling as possible, and use the experience to my advantage. Maybe I need to try harder, or maybe it just takes time.
My book is calling to me.
"Flourescent lightbulbs will make
An absense of dark, but
The light just aint there still and she said
"I'm feeling empty,
The real lights can make you heavy but
Never ever really empty
Flourescent lights will always equal empty."
-Modest Mouse
Even when I'm doing something, I never really feel like it's what I should be doing. I need something worthwhile. But what is worthwhile? The circuits in my brain that create a feeling of satisfaction feel blown.
Just started a new semester... tomorrow will be my 4th day of class in my 4th semester of college. I'm here to learn, but I'm not sure what I should be learning. Changed my major back to "Undeclared". Seems sort of silly for me to be here at all, paying so much money for classes that I am taking simply to take them.
I was originally a journalism major. I like to write. But I don't want to be a *journalist*, atleast not in the academic sense of the word.
I'm 19 years old. I'm in college because I didn't know what else to do. Get an apartment, work a minimum wage job. Bartend for the rest of my life? You finish highschool because it's what you're expected to do, and then all of a sudden your future is there, like a blank page. Fill in the blanks. What do you want to do for the rest of your life? How are you going to eat, live, make money? I have writer's block something terrible.
The only thing I'm really sure about is what I love and what I miss. Atleast it's comforting to know it's all there, even if I'm not. The people I love, the people I hate, the people I've known for years and years. Punk shows at the FOE, loud houses that smell like stale beer and cats. My mom's cooking. Cable TV with too many channels and nothing ever on. Ryan. Total contentment.
I'm still hopeful when it comes to Moscow though. Moving here was a major life decision, and along with that decision came a commitment. To make life here as fulfilling as possible, and use the experience to my advantage. Maybe I need to try harder, or maybe it just takes time.
My book is calling to me.
If you want someone to show you life off-campus and hella far away from the dorms (so glad I never lived there) I'm around.
Also, I started as a journalism major as well, also because I love writing but I found that I hate journalists so not so much. I did learn though, that unless your degree applies directly to the field you're going into such as, journalism (because it's a specific kind of writing), computers, or things that involve a large amount of math or science, you can choose anything as long as you have the degree. Just something to think about.