The last few weeks have been a bit rough health wise, and to be honest gave me a real scare. I go back Tuesday for final results as I had an Echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart) last Friday. So far, it's not an overactive Thyroid which is good news. I am getting ectopic beats (unsure as to why) and the beta blocker medication seems to be making a bit of a difference. All of this has forced me to make some decisions and reflect on what is important for me.
For starters, I've stopped smoking. 3 weeks today, and I have to say I am pretty proud of myself. Considering I was smoking up to 25 a day for 10 years, going cold turkey has been relatively pleasant. I haven't had any real cravings so far and generally am better for it. The money situation is better for us too. I also have stopped energy and soft drinks for 3 weeks. I would have lemonade and occasionally Coke, but to reduce caffeine and sugars is a better option. I feel better now but the first week sucked, I was having major headaches.
Aside from this, I've had 2 weeks off work and this has given me time to relax and look after myself. Not worrying about shifts and just relaxing when I needed to has been great. I would nap and rest up (as I still get occasionally get palpitations and chest pain), so this has been a good time to reflect on what I need to do to get myself better. It's also given me time to reflect on things that I am grateful for. For me to get myself better, it is a physical and emotional process.
Part of this reflection process is looking at things that bring me joy. Things that help me to express love to myself and to others, things that I feel reflect who I am. Over the years working in many different jobs and dealing with a lot of personal issues, I have struggled with knowing and accepting who I am. There were always fears of disappointing others, rejection, seeing others view of me as more important than my own. Being able to say no was a real struggle and I would put myself into awkward and uncomfortable situations because I couldn't stand up for what I felt was right for me.
So, part of this blog and future blogs will be to tell you what makes my life beautiful. What I am grateful for and what is so good for me. These may be physical or emotional. Either way, hopefully these blogs inspire you and others to reflect on what is good for you.
Today, I am grateful to be in an incredibly loving relationship. My husband is an amazing person, and I have been lucky enough to have known him for many years prior as a close friend. He is kind, genuine and supportive. He supports me in my journey of self love (which for a very long time has been a work in progress). He also wants nothing more than me being happy and practising what I love. I have never felt so loved and safe to explore these possibilities, and genuinely happy to be sharing these moments with someone as wonderful as him. I feel comfortable in my skin for the first time in a very long time, and strong as a person to make decisions that are good for my soul.
He is a wonderful man, and throughout the last few weeks I have been able to reflect on how much he impacts my life in such a positive way. My goodness, I am lucky.
I hope this inspires you to reflect on what brings you joy, what is good for your soul.
Xxx
