tamson

brisbane.

good.
saw my grandparents on my dads side whom i havent seen in 4 years.

spending sprees with my mum and general hanging out with her

seeing my grandparents (on my mums side) and getting along nicely with them

seeing my stepfather and not fighting with him

being away from sydney for a weekend

all the sweet msgs i got from the boy while i was away.

seeing my cousins


BAD

the fact that my dad came home from work when i was at grandparents house, and he sat at the table with us and didnt say anything to me the whole afternoon... since its the first time ive seen him since i was 3, i realised how much i look like him.

my grandfather on my mums side has given up hope to live and i think within 3-6 months he wont be alive.. he basically lived for me, i lived with them for a few years when i was younger and every weekend and holidays me and him would be out doing stuff, he was the one i did all the dad tyoe stuff with like fishing n going out in the boat and catching bait n bike rides etcetc.. then i grew up and i moved to sydney and since then he just went down hill.. 4 years he went from being an active happy guy going on his bikerides every day, to him just sittin in his chair half asleep all day the only time he moves is to go to the toilet or bed and he wont hardly talk to anyone and he said to me, being old is awful, and i knew he really just doesnt want to be alive anymore.

missing my puppydog rocky - no cuddles

missing the boy - no cuddles

my grandmother's heart specialist telling her she needs open heart surgery in 12-18 months, (my grandmother is an 80 yr old very overweight woman with lung problems, heart problems very bad asthma, diabetes - and thats just naming a few!) she wouldnt survive if she had the surgery, but shes stressed over it, mum is stressed over and so am i.. what kind of heart specialist would say this,- mum and i just dont understand why he put that idea in oma's head.

so that was my weekend. it was nice on Friday and saturday, but rained constantly on sunday and monday.

I also saw madagascar on Monday night - its a cute movie, i liked it!


its been 4 weeks and well shanna (ex flatmate/bestfriend) and i still arent talking and i thought yeah this is just a thing we have now n then, itll be ok.. but 4 weeks??? well i think that its just gone really.. which is really sad and makes me cry when i think about it.. lost my 2 closest friends that ive EVER had in my WHOLE life in 2 months... ah man that bites.

and because i am trying to pay off all my debts (and trust me i have alot ergh) i cant afford to go out, so it really hard to make new friends when you cant go out anywhere.. i havent been out for months and im dying to go.. but i just cant afford it, all my money is going to my loan & my credit cards which i stupidly let get out of control now i have to make it right, but its hard with one card being 27% interest, and the other 18% interest, argh i feel like a loser for having so much debt!! as soon as i make a payment next month its over limit again from interest and thats the stupid game i set up for myself to play... :< I wasnt even sure if id be able to do anything for my birthday this year, but then my friends at work said they would pay for my dinner.. so that is nice of them

so im feeling a tad insecure, a tad lonely, and a tad sad, but so grateful for my friends at work whom are actually my closest friends at the moment, and my puppa rocky who is always happy and ready for cuddles.







i wish i could write a happy journal entry for a change, lately its all just bullshit sad emo ones.