tamborineboy

So I have this freind. We have been through an awful lot together. I don't know. I don't know what to do about it. I have feelings for her. But on top of the feelings I also see her do things that are just dumb. She has been through so much yet is still so naive in so many ways. It's funny all of the people I hang out with they are all needy in so many ways. Me? I need constant female attention. Not physical. Just attention in general. Which has stunted my growth because I am thirty years old and have never had one relationship. I mean besides paying for it I have only actually ever slept with one person and we were both drunk. That is this friend.
Well being thirty never having a relationship it wears on you. You question everything involved with relationships. It becomes an obsession. The thing is, is this friend of mine is the same way. Except she has had many relationships, she's even been married. I don't know what it is. I don't think I am in love with her. I don't know, maybe I am. She wants nothing to do with me romantically though. I do love her, actually that is a definite. I have other good platonic friendships with girls. One of which there is a definite love there. I love her and she does things that let me know that she loves me and makes me feel special. This other friend, I feel like she just leaches my love away from me. I don't know. I feel like a girl who is getting fucked by a guy who she loves who is just fucking her because it fulfills a need. Why are girls like this why is there this double standard?