i'm not sure, but i think life has always been this complicated, but i still want to know why my life is so complicated right now! i want to know why i don't have any of the answers to my plaguing questions! i want to know why i can't decided what i want! i just want to know what to do and what to believe. mostly i wish i could turn back the clock and never have enlisted in the army...that was the worst mistake of my life. however, though i hate the establishment of the army so very much and don't respect it one iota, it has changed a lot for me in my life and i've gained a lot, but at the same time i've lost so much. i think i have a way out; well i went to mental health because i've developed a sleeping problem since i've joined the army and the psychologist there told me there are a lot of things in life one can't change but the choice of being in the military is one thing that can be changed, but being stupid i told her i wanted to stay, to finish my enlistment........i want to take that back now.........i want out.........i don't want to go to iraq and see people being killed, nor do i want to kill people. i just want to run away and hide. i don't want to play gi jane any more 