it makes me think about how i wish i grew up in a crappier neighborhood. not because i want bragging rights or anything stupid like that. but just so i'd have an excuse at hand for turning out the way i did. i mean i know you can't blame your surroundings on how your life turns out. trust me, i really do. i mean, i grew up in suburbia and i've been in more fights than anyone else i know. i've been arrested. i've been in all kinds of trouble. i've fought for my life and i won. it makes me grateful for everything i've had in my life, but i still wish i had something to give everyone else as an explanation when people ask what the hell is my problem. "i don't know" just isn't a satisfactory answer. idk, don't take this too much to heart. i'm not even depressed or anything, i've just been contemplating a lot of things today and this is one of them.
the other thing it makes me think of is how much i can relate it to my own life. i may have grown up in suburbia, but half the kids on my street could be kids from that song. i can name 3 off the top of my head who are total potheads, 2 of which i know do much heavier shit on a regular basis. (i have no problem with gettin your ganj on every now and again, but i personally try not to make a habit of it.) another girl who lives just around the corner got pregnant and never finished high school. it's suburbia, how have so many of these kids screwed up their life so early? and me- well i'm not even going to get into the things i've done in my own past. i will say, however, that i have lost the majority of my friends over the years because of it. some of my past mistakes still follow me to this day. a lot of them i made while hanging out with other kids in the same neighborhood. it makes me wonder how different my life could have been if i'd grown up somewhere else.
whatever, i try not to focus so much on what could have been these days. i can't change my past. it is what it is. and it's made me a better person today, so i won't complain. i just wish more people would let the past be the past and give me a second chance. i'm really not the same person at all. i've changed a lot over the years. i can confidently say for the first time in a long time that i am a good person. there is no longer any question in my mind. i'm by no means perfect, but i am definitely not a bad person because of my faults.
in lighter news, i reached the peak of boredom and created a formspring. so if there's anything you've been dying to know about me, please don't hesitate to ask. here's the link:
http://www.formspring.me/irkeninvaderdax
that's right, now you all know my true identity. but i'm such a good irken invader that it won't hinder my mission at all. i'm working on it as we speak!
sorry i didn't get up the pix i said i'd post today, i had a lot to do around the house. i've been slacking off around here and i feel pretty bad about it, considering my mom let me move back in with her for free. so i was trying to pick up some of that slack today. i think i did a decent job, but i certainly have more work to do. so somewhere in between my mad cleaning and watching new moon over and over and over (fuck off, i'm well aware of the fact that they're not real vampires. but i happen to like dogs and sparkly things and cheesy teenage romance stories, so it has everything i need all in one. ok? good.) i'll work on getting those up.
well i'm off to bed, i have to get up before 10 tomorrow so i can go get my movie!
