takora

(takora reaches back behind head and presses small button at base of cranium)

*shutdown
*drive spins down
*power off
*...
*...
*...
*...
*...
*power on
*starting up
*RAM check
*drive spins up
*startup chime
*extensions loading
*...
*...
*Welcome to Takora


I needed that... had a bad mental freakout last night, totally uncalled for. luckily it never left my little head... the short version: I went to see her at work last night. despite an earlier invitation, when the time came it now wasn't cool for me to stay when they closed up (4am), and she subtly suggested that i not even wait for her outside as i wanted to. she was pretty hesitant in everything she said now, even though things had seemed fine all up until now... she said she'd call me later, so i left and walked home. and on the walk home everything just sorta crashed... I 'knew' that it was over, that she just didn't want to tell me there, that none of it meant anything, blah blah blah.

i lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. she'll call me. great, so maybe I'll come home some day next week to a message on my machine. blah blah blah. why did i let myself get into this again? and I try to get to sleep.

and then the phone rings, just a little more than a half hour after i left. and she explains why she couldn't talk there and then. and we talk for a while. and all is right with the world...

but why did i just jump to the worst conclusion like that? that's not like me... I sense the evil of attachment slithering around my ankles... love and friendship without expectation is what this whole thing has grown around over the past several months, so i hope i don't lose sight of that..

today was lovely. i just went out for a walk, no destination in mind, that turned into a 4 or 5 hour walk around the entire southern periphery of manhattan island. i left my place, walked east to the east river, and just walked along the waterfront, south through the seaport, and through battery park. the last time i had been down there was at about 5am the night after the WTC fell, and everything was covered with ash and mud... but today i just kept walking, following the water, up along the west side until i finally realized that i was at 26th street by the hudson river. so then i started the long walk back home downtown....

i never knew that there was an outdoor trapeze school in lower manhattan! that was pretty cool. i also discovered that there are WAY too many sappy love songs on my iPod.

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update: the evening just gets better. there was (finally!) a new episode of the best network TV show in years tonight-- GREG THE BUNNY! luckily i set the VCR before i left!