takoon51

So ok my mom might be going to jail....... She kinda robbed me after i came back from deployment like almost 40G's gone. What she did with that money NO ONE KNOWS. Now since then i locked my account and stuff but i wasnt to smart with my money since my saving were gone and i decided to live life wild and fun when i was in europe. Well she doesn't know this cause i haven't spoken to her since well thats half the reason im not speaking to her or that side of the family except 1 or 2 cousins. Well someone Tried to take money from my account like febuary time frame and since i informed my bank of what happened and how my account was locked the bank didnt let her get the money and are now prosecuting her on felony charges. Well since then that side of the family has been harassing me with phone calls, harassing my friends and such (idk how they got my phone number) their blaming me for all of it. I dont really have control over the situation since the bank was doing it. But that did not stop them from bothering me. I wasn't going to get involved in any of it but turns out my mom put my name on the mortgage to the house soo if she goes to jail and i dont keep making payment on the house i will be fucked. This has been one of the biggest struggles in my life the last few months trying to decide what i should do and everything.

Next on the list and the other reason i dont speak to my family is, sigh ok........... My father isnt my father. Who actually is only my mom knows. This has been so epic in my life even though absolutely no one knows about it except my big sister's and my mom. This is the first time im talking about it. I found out about this while still in Afghanistan. Ok well here is a lil back story of my life. When i was 11 i wasn't allowed to see my dad anymore or that side of the family. Then i was told my dad raped by oldest sister for years. Since then i was changed, in my values about women, family life friends what every thing means to me. The hate and disgust i had for him shaped it all. I became who i am because of that. Turns out that was a lie i found this out 9 years later while in afghan.
My dad found out that i wasn't his son is what happened and he was going to stop paying child support. My mother being her refused this and concocted the idea of my sister being raped and they went along with this. Cause my dad was ex military and a cop so it ruined him and she got money lots of money which no one still seems to know where that money went either.
So because of this i have been having an identity crisis for over a year. every action i have made, morals i keep, everything. Its been getting worse, cause ok well turns out i have ptsd. Which is whats the docs say is the stem of my anger issues. Which all Stems from deployment/identity-crisis. I
The only thing that i knew who i was, well being a soldier. But for the last couple of months i can barley breath properly so my running and lifting has suffered so im gaining weight, losing strength and speed. The docs cant figure out whats wrong. Thats the real reason im getting out the army, cause i have to. Yes i put up with alot of shit here but i love it for what it is. I would stay in longer if i could fix it but i cant. So the only part of me that was true shall soon fade n be nothing but a memory.
Has any of this been easy for me no. Have i been totally in control of my self, no. But will i deal with it and bounce back.
Of course i will. As my friend reminded me no matter the reasons why i chose to be who i am and how i live. I chose it, i chose to live it all. And being a soldier is only a phase in my life i will do much more. I say the words but im still dealing with all of this but i hope all will turn out well.