I sent this email to an old friend who may never reply....so I post it for all of you to see....reasons unknown.
The last time you actually emailed me you said that you could not be a good friend to me right now....so you said something to the effect of us being friends once again later down the road. I replied that I didnt like the idea of us fading in and out...but here we are anyway. And I am still not sure why I write.....I know you wont answer, but I guess the little boy in me remembers little Bobbie Ledford in elementary school and I dont want to let go. I still remember being jealous of Matt Dillon when he took you to the dance. It amazes me the places I have been, physically and emotionally.
So here I am at 3:19 in the morning writing you and email that probably wont get a reply.....and for some reason it feels ok. Maybe because I know that in the long run it might be worth something. I pass your house and want to stop by, or go to your school just to see you....but I wont. I feel that would be off limits. By now I guess you changed your email and this will get sent into oblivion...stored for months on some server in Arizona or Utah until it gets erased due to "lack of account activity". Or you moved in with Matt and you might feel guilty writing me an email from your new home. I have no idea. Or you actually read these silly emails and want to write but dont. Anyway, I will go on with what I came to say (which I have no idea about).
TOP THREE EVENTS IN THE LAST MONTH AND HALF:
1. Got moved to midnight shift. Its not a bad shift but now I cant sleep...or dont want to...or a combination of the two. I have off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and since noone else does I am pretty much by myself on my days off.
2. Broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago.....and for some reason I knew it wasnt going to work but thought I would give it a shot. Its been so long since I felt anything....or it seems I say that to be dramatic, not sure which.
3. Moved into my new condo...paint, furniture, mortgage....love being in the SouthEnd, close to everything including the gym. I try to stay busy but realize two things...1) I'm not going to be a cop forever...2) I have no idea what I am going to do if I'm not a cop....back to school I will go.
send me your top three if you reply.
RANDOM THOUGHTS OF THE DAY
1) I havent written or been inspired in fucking forever.....writing this feels fucking good though (yes I still cuss like a sailor).
2) I know I have done some great things for myself in my life, but yet dont feel accomplished...maybe I need to challenge myself more
3) I realized that you can be lonely even when you arent alone...whats up with that bullshit?
4) You are the only one that reads me the way you do, and I fucking miss it
5) Coffee is our enemy....if you and I ever go to starbucks again there might be an all out drag out fight.....for some reason we always fight when we go get coffee, the thought makes me laugh.
6) I want rhythm and creativity.....I hope its not to late to find either.
Thats all for today...have a good week.
The last time you actually emailed me you said that you could not be a good friend to me right now....so you said something to the effect of us being friends once again later down the road. I replied that I didnt like the idea of us fading in and out...but here we are anyway. And I am still not sure why I write.....I know you wont answer, but I guess the little boy in me remembers little Bobbie Ledford in elementary school and I dont want to let go. I still remember being jealous of Matt Dillon when he took you to the dance. It amazes me the places I have been, physically and emotionally.
So here I am at 3:19 in the morning writing you and email that probably wont get a reply.....and for some reason it feels ok. Maybe because I know that in the long run it might be worth something. I pass your house and want to stop by, or go to your school just to see you....but I wont. I feel that would be off limits. By now I guess you changed your email and this will get sent into oblivion...stored for months on some server in Arizona or Utah until it gets erased due to "lack of account activity". Or you moved in with Matt and you might feel guilty writing me an email from your new home. I have no idea. Or you actually read these silly emails and want to write but dont. Anyway, I will go on with what I came to say (which I have no idea about).
TOP THREE EVENTS IN THE LAST MONTH AND HALF:
1. Got moved to midnight shift. Its not a bad shift but now I cant sleep...or dont want to...or a combination of the two. I have off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and since noone else does I am pretty much by myself on my days off.
2. Broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago.....and for some reason I knew it wasnt going to work but thought I would give it a shot. Its been so long since I felt anything....or it seems I say that to be dramatic, not sure which.
3. Moved into my new condo...paint, furniture, mortgage....love being in the SouthEnd, close to everything including the gym. I try to stay busy but realize two things...1) I'm not going to be a cop forever...2) I have no idea what I am going to do if I'm not a cop....back to school I will go.
send me your top three if you reply.
RANDOM THOUGHTS OF THE DAY
1) I havent written or been inspired in fucking forever.....writing this feels fucking good though (yes I still cuss like a sailor).
2) I know I have done some great things for myself in my life, but yet dont feel accomplished...maybe I need to challenge myself more
3) I realized that you can be lonely even when you arent alone...whats up with that bullshit?
4) You are the only one that reads me the way you do, and I fucking miss it
5) Coffee is our enemy....if you and I ever go to starbucks again there might be an all out drag out fight.....for some reason we always fight when we go get coffee, the thought makes me laugh.
6) I want rhythm and creativity.....I hope its not to late to find either.
Thats all for today...have a good week.