WARNING:
the following post is one of those rare occasions where i show my human side. i dont do these very often because they contradict my usual facade of being an emotionless bastard. so proceed at your own risk.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
so, some of you know this, some of you dont. a few years ago i dated this girl who had twins. the short version is that she and i dated and broke up. then she banged some other dude soon after, although we stopped talking when we broke up. fast forward 6 months later, the mutual friend who introduced us tells me that shes pregnant (with twins) and wants to talk to me. i agree to see her, pretty much with the intention of telling her to go fuck herself. unfortunately, when i saw her, i turned into goo. pregnant women have this effect on me. im powerless against them. anyway, there was an outside chance that they were mine and the boyscout in me (even though i never was a boyscout) wanted to help her so i stuck around doing what i could in the meantime. she was more than happy to let me. i was there when they were born (caeserian) and was with her and the boys at least 5 days a week. even after i found out they were the other dudes kids (and he wanted nothing to do with them or her) somewhere along the line we got back together, and for a while i was happy. really happy. and it wasnt because of her. in terms of emotional damage to me caused by exes, shes at the top. its cliche for one to say that their ex is crazy, so i reserve that for only two of mine. this girl was one of them. anyway, right around the time that were turning 2, id reached my breaking point with her. i wont bore you with the details, suffice to say that most people would have told her to fuck off a lot sooner than i did. only reason it took me that long was that i loved her babies to death. but its a package deal. cant have the kids without the mom so i left. i figured it was better to leave then when they could still forget me. but not a day goes by that i dont miss them.
im not looking for sympathy here. its just been on my mind recently. i really enjoyed doing the dad thing and i was good at it. really good at it. the sad thing is i have no fucking desire to date anyone, but i still want to be a dad and last time i checked it was really difficult for single men to adopt, so im kind of fucked.
anyways.
I hate people.
Nice blog.