An open letter to OH SO MANY PEOPLE (don't anyone take it personally, it's just the ramblings of a girl who needs a higher dose of Zoloft)
So maybe I was wrong and I'm not a bitch, just a product of circumstances and that's why I'm so moody lately. I'm fairly melancholy but it's kind of nice. I know that sounds bizarre but that's me "a bit off". I've heard that one before and decided that it 'fits' me. Anyway, I've figured out that it isn't that I AM a bitch, it's that everyone always expects me to be a bitch and so it's just easier for me to go there. Even when I'm in a good mood, if someone doesn't "get" what I'm saying and I have to repeat myself I get "what's wrong with you, I was just asking a question" so then, since it's assumed I'm in a bad mood, it puts me in a bad mood. See, victim of circumstances. I don't get a chance to just be nice and relaxed. I really hate it when people will say things like "what's wrong with you" when you don't have a smile on your face all the time. Do you know how disgusted I get with people who pretend everything is okay all the time. Just because I'm not "Miss Mary Sunshine" doesn't mean that I'm in a bad mood. Maybe I'm thinking about something. Maybe I'm just content and don't feel like I have to be all smiles and rainbows, maybe, just maybe, I'm really relaxed and not thinking about smiling so I DON'T! I'm not Mary Englebreit and I don't find the bright side of things very easily but just because I admit that doesn't mean I'm all the time ANGER WOMAN. *my new superhero name. I don't know what powers I'd have though* Oh and also, if you're going to continue to mumble at me.... expect me to get a bit pissed off when I have to keep asking you what you said. Also, don't get pissed when I say "WHAT?" for the umpteenth time, if you speak clearly, I won't have to ask again. If you have trouble hearing me.... then don't get mad and assume I'm pissed off because I'm speaking louder to you. If you can't hear me, then I apparently NEED to speak up, it doesn't mean I'm mad at you, just trying to make sure you hear me. I'm already loud so it probably sounds pretty harsh but if you ALWAYS assume I'm in a bad mood, then guess what, I'm always going to be. I get pigeonholed into this role and it's just easier to stay there. Besides, it's comfortable here because it's just what's expected of me. If you don't have faith in me that I can be in a good mood, then don't get upset when I'm in a bad mood.
Love, Me
*sorry you all had to read that. I'm in a terrible place mentally lately and need to have my meds upped. Hopefully next week will be better. Though I don't know why or how, it's spring break though and that's good right?
My friend is giving away her pure bred beagle and I want him so bad but feerlessfreddy says NO NO NO. Oh well, I guess I'll never have the dog I'm meant to have. He's the cutest little beagle though. He's 7 mos old and the reason they have to get rid of him is because the Air Force is taking them to Japan and there's some quarantine blah blah blah and housing issues with a dog. His name is Deeohgee (if you break it into syllables it's D O G lol) But I guess not. I'm married to a "cat person" which sux being more of a "dog person" Anyway that's all I have to say today and I'm sure it's more than enough. Hugs and all.
So maybe I was wrong and I'm not a bitch, just a product of circumstances and that's why I'm so moody lately. I'm fairly melancholy but it's kind of nice. I know that sounds bizarre but that's me "a bit off". I've heard that one before and decided that it 'fits' me. Anyway, I've figured out that it isn't that I AM a bitch, it's that everyone always expects me to be a bitch and so it's just easier for me to go there. Even when I'm in a good mood, if someone doesn't "get" what I'm saying and I have to repeat myself I get "what's wrong with you, I was just asking a question" so then, since it's assumed I'm in a bad mood, it puts me in a bad mood. See, victim of circumstances. I don't get a chance to just be nice and relaxed. I really hate it when people will say things like "what's wrong with you" when you don't have a smile on your face all the time. Do you know how disgusted I get with people who pretend everything is okay all the time. Just because I'm not "Miss Mary Sunshine" doesn't mean that I'm in a bad mood. Maybe I'm thinking about something. Maybe I'm just content and don't feel like I have to be all smiles and rainbows, maybe, just maybe, I'm really relaxed and not thinking about smiling so I DON'T! I'm not Mary Englebreit and I don't find the bright side of things very easily but just because I admit that doesn't mean I'm all the time ANGER WOMAN. *my new superhero name. I don't know what powers I'd have though* Oh and also, if you're going to continue to mumble at me.... expect me to get a bit pissed off when I have to keep asking you what you said. Also, don't get pissed when I say "WHAT?" for the umpteenth time, if you speak clearly, I won't have to ask again. If you have trouble hearing me.... then don't get mad and assume I'm pissed off because I'm speaking louder to you. If you can't hear me, then I apparently NEED to speak up, it doesn't mean I'm mad at you, just trying to make sure you hear me. I'm already loud so it probably sounds pretty harsh but if you ALWAYS assume I'm in a bad mood, then guess what, I'm always going to be. I get pigeonholed into this role and it's just easier to stay there. Besides, it's comfortable here because it's just what's expected of me. If you don't have faith in me that I can be in a good mood, then don't get upset when I'm in a bad mood.
Love, Me
*sorry you all had to read that. I'm in a terrible place mentally lately and need to have my meds upped. Hopefully next week will be better. Though I don't know why or how, it's spring break though and that's good right?
My friend is giving away her pure bred beagle and I want him so bad but feerlessfreddy says NO NO NO. Oh well, I guess I'll never have the dog I'm meant to have. He's the cutest little beagle though. He's 7 mos old and the reason they have to get rid of him is because the Air Force is taking them to Japan and there's some quarantine blah blah blah and housing issues with a dog. His name is Deeohgee (if you break it into syllables it's D O G lol) But I guess not. I'm married to a "cat person" which sux being more of a "dog person" Anyway that's all I have to say today and I'm sure it's more than enough. Hugs and
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Anyway, thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts through my ordeal with Sasha. Everyone's support has really helped.