t_h_l_r

So about 2 weeks ago I was talking to a friend and they asked me why I was still single. I told them that I didn't have time for a relationship and it's been so long I don't even know where to start. They told me that with all that's been going on in my life that maybe I forgot about love and come to think of it maybe I have. Honestly the last time I loved a significant other was about 10 years ago hell I'm not sure I'm even capable of it anymore. Maybe I have actually tricked myself into not believing in love anymore. It doesn't help that I'm horribly shy around girls or that I get nervous around crowds of people. I know I still have some love in me like for my pets, my friends, my car the music I listen to and some of my family. I've only dated 1 person into the past 10 years and I didn't fall in love with them so that's why we parted ways but I'm really starting to think that I'm not going to find someone special. It also bothers me that I had this idea when I was 18 that if I made it to the age of 36 without having a kid that was my cut off, that's 2 years away. I do want to have a kid one day just hope it's soon before I get too old lol. I'm not sure what I should do next I guess being attractive to women is something I'm still clueless about but oh well. Maybe I should go listen to Pantera's " I'm Broken " and try to figure things out!