Something I wrote back in January.
Bread Orgy and Crazy Eyes
There's a lot of bread in my house. Looks as if the Pillsbury Doughboy had a bunch of his pals over for an all-night orgy on top of my countertops! No expensive cunts with big tits herejust bread, and lots of it. Rye, wheat, sour dough, and of course, white.
The night before, I recall driving down the road going about 80 -with one headlight shining and a broken antenna. Music blares blitzfully between dead-silence and small glimpses of static -that still rings in my ears. Suddenly, right in my distance was two brightly-shining eyes, glazing right at me as if it had the right-a-way. "Holy Shit!" shouted a voice as I tried to stop the red, fat beast. My brakes locked up and I went screeching straight towards the strange fucker.
"THUMP-THUMP" -Along with a furious 'yelp' cried out from under the car. I had run the beast down in a shower of blood and bone shrapnel. But, alas, all was not well -for about 400-yards later I heard a scratching notice coming from underneath the chassis. Jesus, I thought, did the vermin live? I pulled over, grabbed my 6D police-issue Maglite, and proceeded towards the back of the car to check the beast out. I shined the light under the car as I walked towards the back -scared shitless at what I might come across. The light suddenly hits what appears to be a small fist with long, razor-like claws, trying to climb up on the tow-hitch, then suddenly, two giant eyes appear from underneath the car! -Brightly glowing-white eyes, straight from hell, blazing right towards me. I shriek at the horror! Blood was oozing out of its pores and fragments of bone and intestines were slivering out of its gaping sides -It was hanging on for dear life. I shine the light further back onto it and saw a large, hairless tail, as limp as wood. Then, I brought the light up to its face again. That grinthat hideous grin, with devils teeth and a long, horrific nose. It was a possum.
I knew what had to be done
After realizing that my black oxford shoes or 6D police-issue Maglite wouldn't be sufficient in killing the brute, I climbed into the backseat and went through my tool bag.
Hacksaw? No.
Crowbar? No.
Hunting knife? No.
Mace and duct tape? Um No.
Ah Ha! A claw-hammer!
I return back to the animal, who was now gazing right at me with wild eyes and breathing rapidly. -It was just like the scene right out of Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket". -The possum was the gook, and it was my mission er, purpose to end its miserable lifefor good or ill. I got down on my knees and laid the Maglite on the ground beside me. Raised the hammer above my head and gripped it tightly. Then "STRIKE!" A fearsome 'yelp' comes out of the beast as I continue to strike it again, and again Harder Faster
The Bitch is dead!
Blood and skull splinters cover my clothes and face as I continue the drive home. With a crazed look and a twisted smile, who ever knew bread would soon be fucking on my countertops?
Bread Orgy and Crazy Eyes
There's a lot of bread in my house. Looks as if the Pillsbury Doughboy had a bunch of his pals over for an all-night orgy on top of my countertops! No expensive cunts with big tits herejust bread, and lots of it. Rye, wheat, sour dough, and of course, white.
The night before, I recall driving down the road going about 80 -with one headlight shining and a broken antenna. Music blares blitzfully between dead-silence and small glimpses of static -that still rings in my ears. Suddenly, right in my distance was two brightly-shining eyes, glazing right at me as if it had the right-a-way. "Holy Shit!" shouted a voice as I tried to stop the red, fat beast. My brakes locked up and I went screeching straight towards the strange fucker.
"THUMP-THUMP" -Along with a furious 'yelp' cried out from under the car. I had run the beast down in a shower of blood and bone shrapnel. But, alas, all was not well -for about 400-yards later I heard a scratching notice coming from underneath the chassis. Jesus, I thought, did the vermin live? I pulled over, grabbed my 6D police-issue Maglite, and proceeded towards the back of the car to check the beast out. I shined the light under the car as I walked towards the back -scared shitless at what I might come across. The light suddenly hits what appears to be a small fist with long, razor-like claws, trying to climb up on the tow-hitch, then suddenly, two giant eyes appear from underneath the car! -Brightly glowing-white eyes, straight from hell, blazing right towards me. I shriek at the horror! Blood was oozing out of its pores and fragments of bone and intestines were slivering out of its gaping sides -It was hanging on for dear life. I shine the light further back onto it and saw a large, hairless tail, as limp as wood. Then, I brought the light up to its face again. That grinthat hideous grin, with devils teeth and a long, horrific nose. It was a possum.
I knew what had to be done
After realizing that my black oxford shoes or 6D police-issue Maglite wouldn't be sufficient in killing the brute, I climbed into the backseat and went through my tool bag.
Hacksaw? No.
Crowbar? No.
Hunting knife? No.
Mace and duct tape? Um No.
Ah Ha! A claw-hammer!
I return back to the animal, who was now gazing right at me with wild eyes and breathing rapidly. -It was just like the scene right out of Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket". -The possum was the gook, and it was my mission er, purpose to end its miserable lifefor good or ill. I got down on my knees and laid the Maglite on the ground beside me. Raised the hammer above my head and gripped it tightly. Then "STRIKE!" A fearsome 'yelp' comes out of the beast as I continue to strike it again, and again Harder Faster
The Bitch is dead!
Blood and skull splinters cover my clothes and face as I continue the drive home. With a crazed look and a twisted smile, who ever knew bread would soon be fucking on my countertops?