t3chmonkey

Let's call it it Social Math.

There are those who have such high EQ that body language, the shifting of weight, the inflection of words, the furrowing of brows, the pauses between al-l become such literal indicators that a social interaction breaks down in their head like a like an complex math problem. People become maps and variables with angles and degrees and what they are and what they reveal become tools used against them to devise and manipulate an answer.

There are muscles that you can strain to make a smile seem sincere. I hate that I know that.

To a certain degree the pursuit of someone always breaks down like something of a chess game. I fucking suck at chess but I'm better at seeing the moves in real life. And it bothers the shit out of me. I don't want people to be equations. I want people to be people. I don't want an anxious pause to be a furiously considered factor somewhere in the head, I want it to be a furious pounding against the ribcage.

I saw my math reflected in the calculations of another. I could see her math working against mine until it just made more sense to start jotting it down like a geography problem and try and solve it together. where the fuck does the heart play into that? Listen to me, I'm trying to factor in emotion. Where does the heart play in...? Damn.

I knew a girl with such dark eyes and such smooth features that I couldn't read her for shit. I loved it. It drove me crazy. I had no advantage over her and my head just shut down and the other intended sensory organ for such occasions kicked in. No way are you going to get me to say "heart", but yeah...

So I was all like:

" Something collapses in the brain synapses
And for a moment it's alright

Something folds in the space time continuum
He stops the math and it becomes genuine

And for a moment he's here with her."

And my total inability to forecast is what left me so shocked when she decided to drop the whole thing.

At least I didn't have to feign the hurt.

fuck. wrong place!