Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

t3chmonkey

Chicago

Member Since 2002

Followers 32 Following 53

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Friday Nov 08, 2002

Nov 7, 2002
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
It was the whole reason I wanted the security job.
I'd hide typing paper under my logbook and secretly spend hours just pumping out elaborate sketches while keeping one eye on the monitors.
My mind would wander into these fantasies where I'd offer digital webbing, who had just linked my site, previews of my comic strip that same way that the big boys did with their monthlies and digital webbing would be happy to have them.
While I drew pictures of me in a security get-up, my mind was drawing pictures of a stats page where the hits to the site just kept pouring in.

How stupid of me.
I just finshed the strip and I'm looking back at my in 64 granulated colors and I can't see all the work I just put into it.
it doesn't look that much different from any other strip I've drawn, which disappoints me to no end-because I put in four times the work.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

And here I hit the SG boards and get all excited about a possible suicide girl comic project, offering to be part of the project and even pointing them to my site as reference material.

I want to tear it down. I want to shred every scrap of paper sitting in that bulging manilla folder inside my cheap, grey file cabinet. I can't stand what I've just done, frustrated at how it failed against how I saw it in my head.

So there's another secret SG gets because I can' say it anywhere else.
I'm frustrated and I wish I was better than I was.

But I can't let the people on my site know that. I've got a vision for them and the whole thing and in order to pull it off, I need them to believe in me, believe that I can pull it off.

So I have to hide this kind of doubt.
And I hide it here.
Shhhhhh.....
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cormega:
GOOD BE STRONG AT ALL TIMES I SAW YOU SITE I AM A COMIC FILE AS WLL LOVE SILVER SURFER FF N SHIT I WILL PUT U UP ON HOW TO CLOWN HARDR WITH WORK B COOL
Nov 7, 2002
cormega:
dude are you warming up with some apathetic jumping jacks i am excecuting a few light apathethic stretches waz upp kc loc
Nov 8, 2002

More Blogs

  • 02.20.06
    0

    Monday Feb 20, 2006

    The first part of my entry will be delivered in form of me listening…
  • 02.04.06
    3

    Saturday Feb 04, 2006

    I did the first Friday's thing last night. Which, for those outside t…
  • 01.23.06
    2

    Monday Jan 23, 2006

    True, my piercer/neighbor did warn me, but taking a shower has become…
  • 01.20.06
    0

    Friday Jan 20, 2006

    I'd do a lot more updating If I wasn't resolved not to complain about…
  • 01.15.06
    3

    Sunday Jan 15, 2006

    Some self sacrificing, conservationist deer jumped out in front of my…
  • 01.12.06
    1

    Thursday Jan 12, 2006

    I wonder if history would remember me fondly if i found a way to kill…
  • 01.12.06
    0

    Thursday Jan 12, 2006

    It occurs to me that the question of wether or not we have a soul can…
  • 01.10.06
    3

    Tuesday Jan 10, 2006

    I'm in a fuckin' tizzy here. Apple just shat all over my plans with…
  • 01.07.06
    5

    Saturday Jan 07, 2006

    Dear Dr. Decentlove, I got my nipples pierced about two weeks ago…
  • 07.14.04
    6

    Wednesday Jul 14, 2004

    Read More

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,333 followers
  • 14,919,693 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,389,486 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo