Wednesday Dec 04, 2002

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blah da de blah blah blah.
you wouldn't believe the shit that comes out of my mouth.
well, you would if you read this entry about five minutes ago.

Sunday Dec 01, 2002

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a bullet will bounce off of water, but a gentle hand will push right through it.

I say this because, aren't we like, 97% water?

it's not enough to be bulletproof.
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coygirl:
you are very, very silly but sweet

smile

smooootches to you
t3chmonkey:
whoo hoo. i got me some smootches.

unfortunately it's through my tried and true method of acting pathetic.

Wednesday Nov 27, 2002

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I got so much shit pressing down right now.
I know that's not unique, especially around the holidays.
My question is; if everyone is so busy dealing, who are the people who have the time to be pushing down? Who has the time to be the stressor?

You know who I bet it is? Fucking Santa. He's testing our resolve.

That reminds me of a...
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dia:
t3ch: it's hard to explain, you'd have to know me in person, but I just think that way, except I don't think in words ever, just pictures and scenes, sort of multilayered and combined with feelings. Occasionally punctuated by a phrase. And I write them, quickly. I have "Inspiration trips on dirty fuschia lips" writ on my wrist, and from a few days ago on my leg, "I'd be a great nihilist if I weren't so apathetic..." Awfully odd. What is amazing about people is how different everyone's thinking processes are. As neuroscience shows. I was once a neurological guinea pig, and I began to write and bore myself with the details, decided it sounded self-aggrandizingly eccentric and deleted it smile At any rate, suffice it to say, sometimes I speak like I write, or more so, and it works better with inflection. Or sometimes I am very quiet. I also tend to reflect back the speech of other people, for the sake of comprehension, or be somewhat verbally disinclined, until fully comfortable around someone, then they learn my native tongue. Kind of obsessed with the idea of "word salads" of schizophrenics, but have been well assured that I'm completely sane (despite relentless doubts) by numerous guys in suits with titles on their walls.

And how are you wired differently? We all have something, something profound I believe. When it's linguistic it becomes quite a spectacle; other wiring issues are less immediately apparent, except inwardly. Dontcha think?

Boing boing! XOXO! You're new photo is very very flattering. I know a boy from Kansas City, MO, and he is 23... he doesn't like me a spot though. I think he did at some point, we were once friends. He's a techie of sorts himself. Curious. What a good fantasy to have, by the way.
thirtyseven:
wow, thanks for the research and info. that was really kind of you to go out of your way and read about it .. more tests are forthcoming =/

Monday Nov 25, 2002

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So when I was in the shower I thought of my America Divorce Poem:

I am caffeinated
You are all the things that you once hated.
It's gotten to where we're both getting sick
with reasons for leaving stacking up like bricks.

You can keep all my shit
It's all your shit anyway

I only want just one thing
You can keep the memories
I'm...
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pinup:
Driving without glasses is THE WORST. "Is... is that a curb?"

Jenna

Friday Nov 22, 2002

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Woo-hoo. I got me a paycheck!
Jesus, how am I going to misuse it this time?
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snow:
paychecks kick ass..........well any money does really.
coygirl:
subliminally sending message:

spend it on the canadian girls, spend it on the canadian girls, spend it on the canadian girls

heehee....kidding mon amie....enjoy it whatever you do smile

Friday Nov 22, 2002

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There seems to be a side effect to never sleeping.
It's just that I can't think of what it is....
I can't think....
I can't....
Oh; thinking. That's the one.

I did something stupid in my last entry.
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boxterjulep:
i didn't see anything stupid. what you talkin bout?

no more NEUROCHEM!
freyja__:
i have to find a new job because the job i have been doing for the last year was a temp position and the management and i can't come to an agreement about my terms of employment here. so it is time to start looking for a new one.

which is an activity i loathe.
mad

Thursday Nov 21, 2002

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Finally got the new counterCulture up.
Finally getting things done...

which is tricky because the new SG set makes it hard to concentrate.
oh man...
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t3chmonkey:
Let's call it it Social Math.

There are those who have such high EQ that body language, the shifting of weight, the inflection of words, the furrowing of brows, the pauses between al-l become such literal indicators that a social interaction breaks down in their head like a like an complex math problem. People become maps and variables with angles and degrees and what they are and what they reveal become tools used against them to devise and manipulate an answer.

There are muscles that you can strain to make a smile seem sincere. I hate that I know that.

To a certain degree the pursuit of someone always breaks down like something of a chess game. I fucking suck at chess but I'm better at seeing the moves in real life. And it bothers the shit out of me. I don't want people to be equations. I want people to be people. I don't want an anxious pause to be a furiously considered factor somewhere in the head, I want it to be a furious pounding against the ribcage.

I saw my math reflected in the calculations of another. I could see her math working against mine until it just made more sense to start jotting it down like a geography problem and try and solve it together. where the fuck does the heart play into that? Listen to me, I'm trying to factor in emotion. Where does the heart play in...? Damn.

I knew a girl with such dark eyes and such smooth features that I couldn't read her for shit. I loved it. It drove me crazy. I had no advantage over her and my head just shut down and the other intended sensory organ for such occasions kicked in. No way are you going to get me to say "heart", but yeah...

So I was all like:

" Something collapses in the brain synapses
And for a moment it's alright

Something folds in the space time continuum
He stops the math and it becomes genuine

And for a moment he's here with her."

And my total inability to forecast is what left me so shocked when she decided to drop the whole thing.

At least I didn't have to feign the hurt.
t3chmonkey:
fuck. wrong place!

Wednesday Nov 20, 2002

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I got drunk and posted poetry.
I got sober and tore it down.
coygirl:
hahahahahaha........funny stuff

most people i know get drunk and puke
then get sober and have to clean it up

me i get drunk and get really sad
then i get sober and get really really sad

Monday Nov 18, 2002

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"We learn from history that man learns nothing from history."
I'm paraphrasing Hegel here, but the sentiment is dead on.

I can remember the time date and temperature of when I stood and swore never again to do what I'm doing now. I can remember in vivid detail the last time I reneged on said oath and all the trouble it caused me; I can...
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damagegirl:
sounds like you had a much more "productive" weekend than i, although mine was quite relaxing. as far as being knocked off schedule, i am in the midst of about 2 months of that right now. when will it all be normal again? soon i hope, soon.
coygirl:
i simply loved that you'd buy everyone lunch....the sweetest you are!

Friday Nov 15, 2002

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I can't believe I don't have a mind-crushing hangover. It seems wrong to go unpunished for the things I did last night. Now I just have to sit and wait and wonder when it's coming.
My favorite definition in the dictionary is "Karma" and not for any hippy-shit reason, two succinct words to instill perfect fear of the future.

Karma: Inevitable retribution.

terrifying.
damagegirl:
thanks for looking out mr. as far as karma goes, that is what keeps my fingers in my pockets. i just don't want to end up paying all at once sometime down the road. but i think you can get away with being a wasted monkey every now and then.

Wednesday Nov 13, 2002

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I tried to sew my pants up today. It looks like Dr. Frankenstiens nimble handiwork climbed up the side of my leg. Oh well, it's one more day I've given myself until I have to do laundry. Domestic work is the worst kind of all.

My roommate Mike has become obsessed with his new mortal enemies, the stray cats that shit in our front yard....
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freyja__:
hehe
i'm a google-girl..
what can i say?
wink
maelwys:
haha, guess she hasnt seen Return of the Living Dead. Or was it 28 Days Later you were refering to? Cats dont come near my place, my dog is half German Shepherd half Rotweiler and nearly weighs as much as I do. He's a big baby but hates cats so chases them wherever possible. So youre feeding the cats, is this a bait thing for your buddies target practise? Naughty, naughty! Eh. I quite like cats. although I do find the panic funny when they see 8 stone of gleefull hound bearing down on them.

Tuesday Nov 12, 2002

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I found out today that i know a delia's girl.
You know, from the catalog?
This is like two levels below knowing a suicide girl, which I do not.

To me it's a charmed life all the same.

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coygirl:
wow, look at you....me hoitsy toitsy huh?

i wish i had a charmed life...damn!
coygirl:
i meant mister hoitsy toitsy....

see, i am a complete idiot.
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