In response to your last comment Frankus, yes and no.
That guy I have interest in... we hung out Saturday and I was getting such mixed signals that I don't know which way is up.
He asked me out to dinner, then came back to my place and we hung out until around 2AM. He suggested future plans for the weekend after next. He was going to head back to his apartment, so I walked him to the door and asked if he'd object to a kiss. He said no, he wouldn't object, but that it made it harder for him to leave... then followed that up by saying he thought we'd be better off just friends.
I was cool with that, honestly... I figured he didn't think we were compatible, and there's nothing you can do to change that, so I was more than ready to just accept it. I'm willing to admit I'm a little odd, and not everyone's cup of tea. But then, because nothing can ever be that simple, he tries to explain. This becomes an hour long conversation about how he doesn't know what he's doing with his life, is pretty sure he doesn't believe in God anymore, and is having trouble finding a purpose to existence. I'm glad we had this conversation because he obviously needed to get it off his chest (I found out about a week back about him being depressed and had confronted him about it already, so this was no shock,) but what does all of this have to do with me? Before that I was willing to assume it was just incompatibility, but now I have no fucking clue what the real issue is. I have a friend who suffers chronic depression, which she keeps under control with meds and therapy, and she said it sounded to her like he was feeling guilty and wanted to avoid a relationship because he felt like he would just drag other people down with him. That sounds likely, but I'm not willing to assume that's the right answer just because it's the preferable one to me. I'm gonna try to talk to him about it soon, I'm pretty lost here and I need to have this explained to me.
So, again, after this conversation he's on the way out the door and I kinda jokingly mention in passing that while I was 100% fine with being friends (and I am, if that's all I can get,) I also want to molest him almost constantly, so if I continued to be flirty in the future he shouldn't worry, that's all it is. Once again, he said that made it even harder for him to leave. Long story short, he decided to stay the night after thinking it over for a long time. If nothing else, I'm really glad he decided to stay, because it gave me the chance to tell him how gorgeous I think he is, and I hope he at least left feeling a little better about himself. Plus, I'd have been sad if I never got to see that body again
. I do actually care about preserving the friendship, so I asked the next day if he was still alright with everything. He said he thought he was, but would let me know if it ever started to bother him, and definitely still wanted to be friends even if so. That's reassuring.
So yeah, that's where we're at now. I really like this guy, so next time I see him and the opportunity arises I've decided I'm just going to ask him about it. I want to know what the reason for "just friends" is, and if it's something I can simply accept or something I want to challenge. I'm trying to live my life with as few regrets as possible, and I find that people more often regret the things they don't do. If I just accept things as they are now I may never know what the outcome could have been, so I'm more than willing to try.
That guy I have interest in... we hung out Saturday and I was getting such mixed signals that I don't know which way is up.
He asked me out to dinner, then came back to my place and we hung out until around 2AM. He suggested future plans for the weekend after next. He was going to head back to his apartment, so I walked him to the door and asked if he'd object to a kiss. He said no, he wouldn't object, but that it made it harder for him to leave... then followed that up by saying he thought we'd be better off just friends.
I was cool with that, honestly... I figured he didn't think we were compatible, and there's nothing you can do to change that, so I was more than ready to just accept it. I'm willing to admit I'm a little odd, and not everyone's cup of tea. But then, because nothing can ever be that simple, he tries to explain. This becomes an hour long conversation about how he doesn't know what he's doing with his life, is pretty sure he doesn't believe in God anymore, and is having trouble finding a purpose to existence. I'm glad we had this conversation because he obviously needed to get it off his chest (I found out about a week back about him being depressed and had confronted him about it already, so this was no shock,) but what does all of this have to do with me? Before that I was willing to assume it was just incompatibility, but now I have no fucking clue what the real issue is. I have a friend who suffers chronic depression, which she keeps under control with meds and therapy, and she said it sounded to her like he was feeling guilty and wanted to avoid a relationship because he felt like he would just drag other people down with him. That sounds likely, but I'm not willing to assume that's the right answer just because it's the preferable one to me. I'm gonna try to talk to him about it soon, I'm pretty lost here and I need to have this explained to me.
So, again, after this conversation he's on the way out the door and I kinda jokingly mention in passing that while I was 100% fine with being friends (and I am, if that's all I can get,) I also want to molest him almost constantly, so if I continued to be flirty in the future he shouldn't worry, that's all it is. Once again, he said that made it even harder for him to leave. Long story short, he decided to stay the night after thinking it over for a long time. If nothing else, I'm really glad he decided to stay, because it gave me the chance to tell him how gorgeous I think he is, and I hope he at least left feeling a little better about himself. Plus, I'd have been sad if I never got to see that body again
. I do actually care about preserving the friendship, so I asked the next day if he was still alright with everything. He said he thought he was, but would let me know if it ever started to bother him, and definitely still wanted to be friends even if so. That's reassuring.
So yeah, that's where we're at now. I really like this guy, so next time I see him and the opportunity arises I've decided I'm just going to ask him about it. I want to know what the reason for "just friends" is, and if it's something I can simply accept or something I want to challenge. I'm trying to live my life with as few regrets as possible, and I find that people more often regret the things they don't do. If I just accept things as they are now I may never know what the outcome could have been, so I'm more than willing to try.
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Thanks for the well-wishes.
I'm glad you'll listen to him... He see's you as a friend so he shouldnt have a problem opening up to you