Cancer is evil. It preys on us without any warning signs. It'll kill you quick or slow. There's nothing worse than watching a loved one slowly die before your eyes. They're not able to move, speak or hold you. You just see a little glimpse of humanity in their eyes in those final days. You know they want to say something but they can't. Doctors are useless. They'll kill you faster than the cancer will. They have no answers, no solutions. Fuck, we've come so far in are technological advances and still our remedy for helping people with this is filling their body with the most horrific substance. It eats away everything.
I'm angry, so very angry. I'm am not who I used to be. You will not find me full of joy and excitement about life. I have no one to blame. I pretend everyday like I'm happy. I want to rip the cancer from my father's body and pulverize it with my fists.There are so many things left to do, now is a terrible time. I don't dare speaks these words because I'm afraid the feelings will consume me. I want to yell at people, make them feel a percent of what I go through everytime I see his skeletal frame. There's is no end in sight, why must he suffer. This infliction brings out so much regret in my life. People I have wronged, people who wronged me, things I wanted to do but was too fucking scared to do it.
Where is my girl? The one who will hold me when the time comes. She's supposed to comfort me, make me feel good about myself and laugh a little. She's not here, no where in sight. Again, I don't dare speak these words. I'm the strong one in the family. I'm supposed to be the one people go to for listening, support. Who will help me? One day this will be over, the suffering will end. Grief and acceptance will set in. Maybe I can feel better inside, a little peace. For now, I sit and wait.
After all the amazing experiences in life, we succumb to death and let it take us away from the people we love. If I could, I would exchange places with him. Let him feel the sun on his face again, hike up a hill, swim in the warm ocean if only for a day. He lived a wonderful life. I have wasted mine. It should be his.
I'm angry, so very angry. I'm am not who I used to be. You will not find me full of joy and excitement about life. I have no one to blame. I pretend everyday like I'm happy. I want to rip the cancer from my father's body and pulverize it with my fists.There are so many things left to do, now is a terrible time. I don't dare speaks these words because I'm afraid the feelings will consume me. I want to yell at people, make them feel a percent of what I go through everytime I see his skeletal frame. There's is no end in sight, why must he suffer. This infliction brings out so much regret in my life. People I have wronged, people who wronged me, things I wanted to do but was too fucking scared to do it.
Where is my girl? The one who will hold me when the time comes. She's supposed to comfort me, make me feel good about myself and laugh a little. She's not here, no where in sight. Again, I don't dare speak these words. I'm the strong one in the family. I'm supposed to be the one people go to for listening, support. Who will help me? One day this will be over, the suffering will end. Grief and acceptance will set in. Maybe I can feel better inside, a little peace. For now, I sit and wait.
After all the amazing experiences in life, we succumb to death and let it take us away from the people we love. If I could, I would exchange places with him. Let him feel the sun on his face again, hike up a hill, swim in the warm ocean if only for a day. He lived a wonderful life. I have wasted mine. It should be his.
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You don't know me from Adam but if you need some perspective, advice, or whatever, drop me a message.
You're bendy, right? You can totally fit in my carry-on.