symphoni

I have come to the conclusion that i need help. Having 4 panic attacks a day, crying all the time, being scared of my emotionally abusive husband, wishing i was dead, and putting on a fake smile so nobody knows whats wrong is not healthy. Ive gotten to the point where i hate myself i cant even look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. I cant talk, be silent or do anything without my husband yelling at me. I cant leave him cuz it costs too much money for a divorce and im scared. Im scared that my child is going to hate me the only reason i havent killed myself is because of my child and he deserves a great life. I seriously get scared when my husband gets home cuz he always gets angry about something and puts me down, he evenskes fun of my pains that im feeling in this pregnancy. Which has not been easy. Why cant i just have a break? Ive been through enough hell my whole life when is this pain going to end. Im about to lose it