Ok i re-read Loves entry, the book The Giving Tree.
Then i went outside for a smoke and realized that my grandmother (the person who gave me that book) really is my giving tree and that she gave me this book to show it.. I started crying. She is. She has always been there and has given me everything. Not just material items but her unconditional love. She has done so much for me and ive done nothing but hurt her. When I attempted suicide who showed they cared? She did. my nanny told me that if i died she wouldnt know what to do with herself. My mother didnt even say that, thats not to say she doesnt love me she just has never shown me as much as nanny has.
No one will be able to understand this. Yeah lots of people are close to their grandmother but this is so much more than that. There are no words to describe how much i love her.
Im so selfish. I should have thought of her before i took those pills. Thats why i dont tell her things about my life. I dont want to hurt her.
I dont deserve her love and kindness. A while back i went over a week without calling her! Im a selfish cow. Im disgusted with myself. Im not worthy enough to lick her boot.
I think that her giving me that book was her way of showing how much she loves me and what she is willing to go through for me. I mean she gave me that book when i was 14, a little old for a childrens book.
It took me this long to realize it. Thank you Love
Then i went outside for a smoke and realized that my grandmother (the person who gave me that book) really is my giving tree and that she gave me this book to show it.. I started crying. She is. She has always been there and has given me everything. Not just material items but her unconditional love. She has done so much for me and ive done nothing but hurt her. When I attempted suicide who showed they cared? She did. my nanny told me that if i died she wouldnt know what to do with herself. My mother didnt even say that, thats not to say she doesnt love me she just has never shown me as much as nanny has.
No one will be able to understand this. Yeah lots of people are close to their grandmother but this is so much more than that. There are no words to describe how much i love her.
Im so selfish. I should have thought of her before i took those pills. Thats why i dont tell her things about my life. I dont want to hurt her.
I dont deserve her love and kindness. A while back i went over a week without calling her! Im a selfish cow. Im disgusted with myself. Im not worthy enough to lick her boot.
I think that her giving me that book was her way of showing how much she loves me and what she is willing to go through for me. I mean she gave me that book when i was 14, a little old for a childrens book.
It took me this long to realize it. Thank you Love
http://kathyhyde.com/denied.php
thanx for your sympathy
>;\
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