sydni

1. This weekend was weird. Yesterday I went and got a body composition done, along with a detailed plan of what I should be eating. The reason why I tell you all this is because I'm trying to finally put an end to my destructive eating habits that have often expressed themselves as eating disorders.

Which brings us to....

2. I've been kind of starving myself, which has greatly worsened my anemia and hypoglycemia. Ick. I'm always sleepy, and I always crave sugar because my blood sugar is all crazy from not eating. Thus, I then eat a shit ton of sugar and then immediately want to nap.

Which explains.....

3. I am carrying 29% body fat. And I'm going to lose 8% of it. I am super freaked out that I may fail at this, but to be honest, I don't think my body can afford my fucked up eating habits and hibernation any more. If I stay on my plan and eat all the food I'm supposed to, 1900 calories a day, I will lose around 17 lbs in 8 weeks. It would be awesome. By the time my birthday rolls around (which I'm thinking will be a carni/gypsy extravaganza) I will be 70% closer to my goal. Hells yes.

4. Now, I'm not fat. If you saw me on the street, you would never say, "hey....that broad is fat!", but alas, I'm 6% over the average in body fat, and if it gets above 32% you're close to cardiovascular disease and a slew of other awesome options. People still want to see me naked....but in 16 pounds people will REALLY want to see me naked. Heh.

5. So this is why I'm telling ya'll. So my intent is out there and so I really try to do my best at this. Please wish me luck. Say a mini prayer or something. I would really appreciate it.

6. Now, some of you would say...."diets don't work!". I'm not on a diet. I am nearly having to force feed myself because I'm not used to so much food. It's really weird. My servings of food were calculated by using my Lean Muscle Mass. And when you eat, you should be eating to feed that part of you. And the more LMM you have, the more you need to eat. It's why body builders have to eat astounding amounts of food.

Basically, I avoid all fats not naturally found in Lean meats or dairy. I can eat as many veggies I want, and fruits are encouraged. Really, it's all common sense. No refined carbs, blah blah blah. I have to eat 11 servings of protein, 10 grains/starches, and 3 fruits a day. That means 93 grams of protein and 254 grams of carbohydrates. So much food.

7. I guess I'll let you know how it goes. I really want to do this right. Part of me is doing this for my friend LR who puts herself on ridiculously restrictive diets and consequently turns into a miserable raging bitch. If this can work for me....maybe I can talk her into getting a composition and trying it out for herself.

1. Life is ok. Niko and I are doing excellent, which is always nice. I'm always so happy to see him and cuddle in his arms. I am a 6'1" cuddle bunny. It's ridiculous.

2. Money is....yeah. I'm working on that. I'm currently at work hoping it will get busy.

3. Tomorrow Niko and I start our 2nd level salsa class. It's so much fun. Well, except when I have to dance with rhythm-less men. Then it's excruciating. Our teacher touts eye contact. It's so hard for me to look people in the eye.

4. I am really excited for my best friend from HS to come visit on Wednesday. Almost right after graduation she jumped on a plane and fled to South America without really telling anyone. Yeah. I've only seen her in person once in 6 years. That was 2 months ago.

It's so funny how much people change. It's hard to believe that I could have changed that much....but I know I have. It's amazing really.

5. Last night Niko and I watched En la cama. It was erotic and thought provoking. A good ol indy film, if you ask me.

6. I really want more pictures of my life and the people and things I love. I wish I didn't get so nervous carrying my rebel around.

7. Eating every 3 hours is tough. Really tough.