sybil

so. i feel disgusting.
for the past couple of months, each time i look in the mirror i say:
"fuck who is this disgusting haggard girl?"
i'm just completely unhappy, i've never felt this gross about myself.
i've been trying to change my diet, but then i eat some garbage.
i'm so sick of everything being full of preservatives and chemicals.
it's like how i can feel when i've eaten too much sugar,
i can feel all the synthetic crap clogging me.
i feel... like new jersey.
i need to eat more fruits and vegetables
i'm not becoming vegan, i'll still eat chicken and bacon.
sorry, can't give that up, EVER.
i'll have to get my red meat fix from Boca burgers and Veggie Burgers.
maybe try juice fasting.
i don't know, something anything.
i can't take this anymore, and there needs to be a drastic change.
sometimes i think i should never have started drinking,
i go back and forth between being pro-drunken madness
to my straight edge teenage state of mind.
which ever way, something has got to change.