swingkitten

This is something that comes back to me occasionally, and bothers me every time...

I know people are said to be products of their enviroment, but the fact that I'm shaped SO much by every shitty experience I've ever had bothers me.
I remember what I was like as a kid, before the worst of it all started happening... I may have had a lot of physical problems, but I was at peace, I was happy. Completely confident, completely in-tune with my surroundings.. Now, the personality traits I had are still around, but they're drowned out heavily by things that are accepted completely by my brain, but are completely alien to what I feel like I was supposed to be, and could have been.

Would my love for fistfights be there?
Would all these kinks be there?
Would I be so ridiculously insecure?

No. No. No.
Though I normally accept all those facets of myself with as much grace as a fierce lil' girl can, it just seems wrong. Sometimes I've just got to sit and miss that gone self.

God, why do I have to write the morose stuff that should be well articulated, at 6 in the morning when I can't possibly do it justice? ech. Humor me.