I haven't posted a blog in quite some time. My life has been quite hectic. The few times I've had the opportunity to get on SG, the site has been down!! 
I was having serious problems in the relationship dept. Still haven't gotten everything figured out, but do we ever? After ending a long term relationship, I don't know what I want anymore. On the one hand, I want that connection that closeness. But on the other I want the freedom to walk away at any point w/o the guilt. The only way I know to love someone and be commited to them is to do it w/o restraint to invest every essence of me. I'm scared to do it again. Scared that in the end it won't really matter. It seems that I always cop out of a serious relationship. Somehow I justify my knitpicking. Even when he pleads w/ me to do whatever it is to make me happy, to change what I dislike or start doing what is lacking, in the end it really doesn't matter. It's a waste of breath really. It's not really about what he is or is not doing. Just me getting the hell out. I'm so cynical when it comes to long lasting monogamous relationships due to all of my prime examples. I guess the weight of that on my shoulders on top of everything else is simply too much. So here lies the problem. Bless Robert's heart for putting up w/ my psychosis.
On a lighter note, last Friday I went to an outdoor concert here in Birmingham. Crawfish Boil. I got to see Spin Doctors and Hinder. Both were great. I don't know, the guy that sings for Hinder has an amazing voice. That roughness just does something for me. My friend Paul has a little scruffiness to his also, esp. his laugh. I smile everytime I hear either one of them.
So the birthday was today. I got some very special and naughty gifts, hooray. 
Overall a good birthday. I'm going on vacation in less than two weeks. We are renting a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. It has a pool table and jacuzzi, so it should be a good time. Will post pics so you can all be jealous. 
I was having serious problems in the relationship dept. Still haven't gotten everything figured out, but do we ever? After ending a long term relationship, I don't know what I want anymore. On the one hand, I want that connection that closeness. But on the other I want the freedom to walk away at any point w/o the guilt. The only way I know to love someone and be commited to them is to do it w/o restraint to invest every essence of me. I'm scared to do it again. Scared that in the end it won't really matter. It seems that I always cop out of a serious relationship. Somehow I justify my knitpicking. Even when he pleads w/ me to do whatever it is to make me happy, to change what I dislike or start doing what is lacking, in the end it really doesn't matter. It's a waste of breath really. It's not really about what he is or is not doing. Just me getting the hell out. I'm so cynical when it comes to long lasting monogamous relationships due to all of my prime examples. I guess the weight of that on my shoulders on top of everything else is simply too much. So here lies the problem. Bless Robert's heart for putting up w/ my psychosis.
On a lighter note, last Friday I went to an outdoor concert here in Birmingham. Crawfish Boil. I got to see Spin Doctors and Hinder. Both were great. I don't know, the guy that sings for Hinder has an amazing voice. That roughness just does something for me. My friend Paul has a little scruffiness to his also, esp. his laugh. I smile everytime I hear either one of them.
So the birthday was today. I got some very special and naughty gifts, hooray. Overall a good birthday. I'm going on vacation in less than two weeks. We are renting a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. It has a pool table and jacuzzi, so it should be a good time. Will post pics so you can all be jealous. VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
and as for my blog.. I was feeling silly sooo...