Just when you think my hands have fallen off from typing so much.. BAM!!! Another blog entry!!!! this one is long, and very... well.... it's not full of dumb shit like it usually is.... I'm pouring my very weird thoughts out here. Grab a cup and drink up if you think you can handle it.
We get so used to school that it breaks us. We start at six and then go until we're eighteen, twenty two, or even forty. I think you should find a hobby that isn't puter based. I am taking baby steps and my hobby is Wii or sketching with what little talent I may possess. That should help with the monotony. I've wanted to try knitting, but not sure if I would be dedicated to it enough.
While a new love is such a promising thing, you should maybe look in to why you crave it so much. I've read about you sabotaging yourself many times, and each time the same element in each story is you. Is it a fear of being alone that grips you, or the need for human contact? If you know what you're searching for it would be easier to find. Taking each relationship as it goes and finding what you did or did not like is one way to go, but is a very hurtful trip through self discovery.
Come to California sometime and see how you like the feel. Being near the ocean is a wonderful place to be when you want to feel free. Where you can see to the end of the world and your mind has the possibility to be unrestricted to dream.
I find myself in such a familiar place as this yet again.
That sickening feeling is overpowering, like the stench of rotting garbage.
In some ways I see myself as that very rotting garbage.
First comes the chills that run through my body with a sickening shudder.
Next comes the metallic taste that lingers for hours.
Quickened pulse followed by a tightening heart painful enough... Read More
babe, it is in no way selfish to want someone for moments like this. you know it, i know it, the rest of the world should fucking know it too. <333 take care of yourself. i'd be there fer ya if i could
so as some of you chatters heard last night, i found out someone got me something off my wish list for my birthday. i came home for my lunch break and lo and behold! a package at my door!!!!
i opened it... and the In Flames In Live We Trust dvd was inside! I am so incredibly excited!!!! i'd watch it right now but I... Read More
EDIT: someone bought me something off of my wish list. i have no idea who it is. anyone got any clues....? i would like to send a thank you note but i don't know who got me the gift.
will you be my valentine?
no you won't, because you are far too great of a person to ever waste your time with me.
i'm working all fucking night but tomorrow i have some free time (imagine that!) so i might post a video...
everyone seems to like them LONG overdue update on demo:
i've pretty much given up hope of finishing it for now. i won't have access to the school's studio because it's booked til.. forever it seems. my cold is finally gone so i can do... Read More
drunk nonsense powers, activate! form of: strange journal entry! GO!
this hypnotizing
voice inside is critisizing
every movement calculated
just end it
(carefully)
lost in reasons
to believe them
tell me
what i'm supposed to see...
(either way, isn't this sickening?)
coming close to suffering every breath
and still i find myself clinging to the hope
of having you
if only i knew
it's all... Read More
so yet again, i find myself changing my mind on a million things.
i originally told myself i'm going to be a strong, independent woman and NOT whine and complain about being single for valentine's day. and, sure, i won't be complaining really, but i am pretty fucking sure i want a goddamn valentine. no, even better, i want to be in a goddmamn relationship... Read More
i'm giving up on finnish.
back to german for me.
looking back, i realize i took spanish from 1st grade til sophomore year of high school and i don't remember shit...
funny how the mind works.
anyone know what this quote is from? i'll love you forever if u do
"Fatty ding dongs, we's would likes to haves a word with you, fathers to son"... Read More
Who doesn't know Metalocalypse? I have their CD in my car.
Language my not be your cup of tea. I am a visual learner, so reading language or anything sucks for me. I can watch a teacher explain something and remember it for a long time, but reading it leaves my mind fairly quickly.
i've been recording my practices in case i play something worth remembering... i chopped it up and shit....
I love you darling. 
You will eventually find someone probably when you give up looking that is the way it worked for me.
While a new love is such a promising thing, you should maybe look in to why you crave it so much. I've read about you sabotaging yourself many times, and each time the same element in each story is you. Is it a fear of being alone that grips you, or the need for human contact? If you know what you're searching for it would be easier to find. Taking each relationship as it goes and finding what you did or did not like is one way to go, but is a very hurtful trip through self discovery.
Come to California sometime and see how you like the feel. Being near the ocean is a wonderful place to be when you want to feel free. Where you can see to the end of the world and your mind has the possibility to be unrestricted to dream.
...I think I love water too much.