It's not like I have time to write a novel again here today, although writing is certainly therapy and it helps in some weird way.
I just wanted to say that I am okay today. I mean, I'm sad, I have just started crying for no good reason a couple times, I feel like I'll always be alone, no one will ever come along, blah, blah ... and those are probably valid feelings after my last experience. A girl like me loathes two feelings above all else: Feeling insecure and feeling foolish. Right now I feel both with deep intensity.
But this too shall pass. If I could get over Casey, I can certainly get over Jeff. I mean, I actually loved Casey. I don't love Jeff. This is obsession, not love.
But like I started to say, I'm okay today. I'm at work, I'm functional, I'm getting stuff done. Tonight I will probably go work some more ... to get paid with 420. And some good weed will definitely cheer me up.
The hardest thing is that I don't really feel like I have friends any more. I used to have a lot of friends, but in the past couple years, my life has changed dramatically over and over again a couple times and my crowd just keeps changing. The friends I have left (3 or 4 of them) don't drink or smoke weed, most are in good relationships and don't understand my insanity, and they are busy with their own lives.
People suggest I get out and take care of myself, but I'm not sure exactly what that means. Other people suggest I stay in and take care of myself, like a bubble bath ... but there are 3 other people in my house right now and a bubble bath would not be relaxing with people beating on the door. I wish someone would come and make me take a bubble bath, kiss my booboos, wash my hair, rub my shoulders, lay next to me while I fell asleep... I wish I wasn't so freakin' co-dependent, I wish I could console myself. And I'm sure I'll get there, I always do. But for right now, I just wish someone would hold me and stroke my hair and tell me I'm good enough and just let me be the beloved one, just for right now.
Create a blessed day!
~Suzy
I just wanted to say that I am okay today. I mean, I'm sad, I have just started crying for no good reason a couple times, I feel like I'll always be alone, no one will ever come along, blah, blah ... and those are probably valid feelings after my last experience. A girl like me loathes two feelings above all else: Feeling insecure and feeling foolish. Right now I feel both with deep intensity.
But this too shall pass. If I could get over Casey, I can certainly get over Jeff. I mean, I actually loved Casey. I don't love Jeff. This is obsession, not love.
But like I started to say, I'm okay today. I'm at work, I'm functional, I'm getting stuff done. Tonight I will probably go work some more ... to get paid with 420. And some good weed will definitely cheer me up.
The hardest thing is that I don't really feel like I have friends any more. I used to have a lot of friends, but in the past couple years, my life has changed dramatically over and over again a couple times and my crowd just keeps changing. The friends I have left (3 or 4 of them) don't drink or smoke weed, most are in good relationships and don't understand my insanity, and they are busy with their own lives.
People suggest I get out and take care of myself, but I'm not sure exactly what that means. Other people suggest I stay in and take care of myself, like a bubble bath ... but there are 3 other people in my house right now and a bubble bath would not be relaxing with people beating on the door. I wish someone would come and make me take a bubble bath, kiss my booboos, wash my hair, rub my shoulders, lay next to me while I fell asleep... I wish I wasn't so freakin' co-dependent, I wish I could console myself. And I'm sure I'll get there, I always do. But for right now, I just wish someone would hold me and stroke my hair and tell me I'm good enough and just let me be the beloved one, just for right now.
Create a blessed day!
~Suzy
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xo
mary