suzieq20

Everything is so messed up now , for the last two years i seriously didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought i know people say that all the time but i really really didn't i was such a hardcore bitch to everyone because i was so sick of high school bullshit and all my friends started chillin in stupid clubs and doing ex every weekend. It was fucked up because that is the total opposite of who they were and i didn't want to do that, i didn't want to try to act like i was someone else so i got left alone. I've always had my boyfriend but for the last two years he has literally been my only friend. My "friends" tried to come back to me but it just wasn't the same and i didn't know them anymore. Your teenage years are a crucial time and all u want to do is have someone to relate to and chill with but i havn't had that for a long time. I'm glad i got some time alone because i feel like i really got to know myself better and set goals for my life but now i just feel like i'm losing my personality or any quality that would make people want to be my friend. I used to be the outgoing crazy one who would always do stupid shit to make people laugh and now i'm so shy i never know what to say to anyone and everytime i do speak up i feel stupid. People always try to tell me oh yeah i don't have any friends i'm so anti -social and such a loner and shit and then their phone rings and they start talking about their plans for the weekend. When i look in my phone book the only people in there are my family and my boyfriend. My first year of college i commuted so going back and forth its really hard to make any friends. People acted like just cuz i was going to college i would automatically make friends but its not like people just come out and talk to you really. Thats just not how it is. So then i transfered and now i "live" downtown on campus and i can at least say now that i do have one friend who i live with but thats it. I'm still with my boyfriend and i come home every weekend to be with him and so everytime i connect with someone they invite me to chill with them i on the weekend.......perfect i won't be here.Eventually after a few weeks of that people get annoyed and just give up on you. So now i'm here and dont' even really see my boyfriend (yes we havn't broken up .....yet ) We were going to but .....u know how that bullshit goes. Its on its way tho. I just don't know what to do the last two years i've just been brushing it off and going about my life doing everything alone , going to the movies alone going to the mall alone, smoking weed by myself ( i know more for me but u know its always nice to be high with someone else) But now i'm sick of it i wanna party and have a best friend and have people to talk to.