Sunday Apr 20, 2008

0
Argh! I am so pissed!!
I went out Saturday night for an all night party with my friends. It was lots of fun and a good time!
So Sunday I went to sleep at 7am when I got home for the city. I slept for awhile, till like 2. Then I got up, even though I was still tired. I talked to my boyfriend after this, so he knew all about the sleep schedule and the tiredness and we talked for over half an hour.
Yet....... He still called me at ONE FREAKING AM. HOLY CRAP.
ANGER.
Because I rarely, rarely, rarely can get to sleep early. And I was so excited to be getting to sleep at a normal time. I planned on getting up and doing a lil cleanin and getting my laundry hanging up early before I met a friend for an early lunch. And now I will be lucky if I can drag my ass out of bed in time to shower before the dinner.
I have been lying around now for almost four hours trying everything to get to sleep. But once I have slept for a bit (especially 2 hours or more like tonight) it is impossible.
I am SO frustrated.
Sorry to anyone that reads this rant for the super negativity of it. But I just am so angry tonight.
I sent Nic a huge bitch fest message, which is something I never do.
And it felt so frigging good to get out!

The note I sent him.... Which is massively a huge bitch fest. But understand that this is almost a year full of frustration held in because I thought it was best to just play it cool. Which was prolly wrong. I should have just got out all the minor moments of irritation at the time instead of holding it in for a major explosion. But being long distance for a year is a rocky thing.... And flat out honestly my boyfriend is super sensitive. Which is nice sometimes, but when I have a boyfriend that is touchy about the tiniest (and I mean tiniest) things, it isn't even worth the trouble because he makes mountains out of mole hills......

The Note! -

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Okies. I have to rant now because I have to get this off my chest.
Like holy crap. Do you have an alarm in your brain that tells you when I am going to bed early??! Because EVERY time (and there are few, yet invaluable times that it happens) I go to bed early, you call and wake me up? Like seriously how do you do it?!?!
Secondly, you would never call me after 12 when I lived in Canada!!! And I mean, I was up late most nights then too, but you still never called me that late unless you were talking to me on the internet and knew I was awake! So what the hell makes Japan any different!???
I was so excited to go to bed at 11 o'clock tonight and get up at eight and actually enjoy the day light and morning. I had to do laundry and clean and then go to to an earlier dinner before work. And now, I am not going to be able to haul my ass out of bed in the morning until the very last moment before dinner and rush to get ready in time.
Why? Because the only thing worse than having to stay up late is going to bed early and then getting woken up after sleeping for two hours! Why!? Because there is a 96% probability that I WILL NOT SLEEP AFTER. So this is why I am so pissed off.
And I have wanted for the love of me to rant and be pissed about you before but I have been holding back all this time trying not to bitch. But I just have to rant to you. I have been lying in bed now for three hours just being unbelievably pissed off to the point I want to stab my walls with knitting needles, partially out of frustration that I just cannot get back to sleep. Never mind the fact that I am exhausted and had plans for tomorrow, my body won't listen.
And I am sorry if I hung up on you earlier, but after you find out that I was asleep you just keep talking. But at 1am after being woken up out of a great sleep I really just don't care, I am pissed as fuck, and every second that I talk to you the 4% chance that I can fall back to sleep just keeps slipping away.
SO ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I have only 20 days left in this county.
But DON'T call me after 12am anymore.
If I am not sleeping, I am most likely already ON Facebook or MSN. Seriously, I don't need to know at 1am that you just put new photos on facebook. They will still be there in the morning.
And I love you for the love of god but I have been holding this in for awhile now and I just want to slam my face against the wall in frustration and call you a girly name like Patty because I have been watching too many hours of Scrubs and that is the most common way the characters vent frustration. And I think I am doing a good job by at LEAST holding that back. AND I AM OVER TIRED AND ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED AND this feels so good to finally rant all of this shit out.
So anyway, I love you.
Please don't call me late at night. Because I would love to have a normal night of sleep!!!



To prove said mountain out of mole hill theory. His response to this message after dating for two years off and on, and mostly on, is
"i dont think its a good idea for us to see eachother when you get back. at least not for a while."

Jeesh! The shocking thing being is that, I am acutually not pissed about his response. Nor suprised. But slightly relieved because now I don't have to talk to him for awhile and deal with him whining about it.
And I admit, there was some misplaced anger, but I tried to explain that in the message, that I was really frustrated and that it was just a huge rant that I had to get out.
Woah, I feel SO SO SO much better.
Wow! I am suprised about how better I feel, I am still exhauted, but for the first time I am not exploding in anger. Plus I just got cute cuddles from my cat.
And I am listening to Citizen Cope - whom makes me happy!
Oh, and on the topic of music. Here are some Jack Johnson photos!





Haha, and if anyone reads all this any honest remarks are welcome, even if you call me on being a bitch! LoL.

Was it SERIOUSLY that horrible of a message?!
Please tell me.
Because I get a weird vibe from Nic lately. For example he told me that he was scared about me coming home and didn't want me to because he was scared that the year was just a waste. Meanwhile, I was only excited to see him and he was part of the reason I didn't take my bosse's offer to stay until August.....
Plus he keep talking about all these other girls lately. How one girl at his school had a crush on him. And how he totally could have picked up these two drunk girls that were "Super Hot!" the other night. But then they found out they were only in grade 10. Which are details about his life that I just don't need to know. Like I don't go telling him about guys that try to pick me up?! Why bother? I'm not taking the opportunity and I don't need to pat him to pat me on the back and say "Well Sar, good job on passing up that cock and staying with me instead!" Because he always makes me feel like I need to congratulate him on his 'success'.
Woah. This has gotten so long.
But any oppions or advice are seriously welcome right now.
How is everyone else doing? I haven't been on SG lately and I feel like I have burned some bridges which I didn't mean to.


And if this post is not lah-ha-ong enough..... I am dangerous without sleep....
Here is my new hair.....





VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mattonehsk:
Hair looks Awesome!!!...And your note isn't a bitch fest at all...I actually know exactly how you feel, on occasion especially during the holidays I have to work overnights, not only am I a zombie...I like my sleep without any interruption, or else it just ruins shit and makes things unpleasant for me...Oh, and all that talk about other girls and stuff like that, guys just do that in the hope that it makes you miss them more or to make you feel insecure or jealous...yeah...
Hope you had some sleep lately wink
Have An Awesome Night/Day Arisah!!! biggrin
indiequeen:
I love your hairs! Sorry it took me so long to answer. I've been a busy kiddie. I bet you have too. And ps boys suck!

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