susannahjoy

i just dont get people. that's really what it all comes down to. i dont know if that's my fault, or their fault, or a combination, but yeah. it always seems to end the same way though. like, a certain person that i wont name that i was starting to be really good friends with. but then he started being really busy, which was fine, but i kinda missed talking to him. so i said something like "hey, i'd like to talk to you" cuz, well, i wanted to talk to him about how we were kinda drifting apart. that never happened. i was going to drive out there to see him, but he didnt seem to care if i did or not, and when i said that i was starting to have second thoughts (because he didnt seem to give a damn) he was just like "ok, dont come." great. so i'm trying to be all nice and supportive and everything, but now i find out that he's blocked me on aim. i have no idea why. none. i came home from backpacking, my internet connection sucked and kept kicking me off when i was trying to talk to him, and now i'm blocked. i dont know what to do!
and of course then there's nick, who only wants to speak to me on his terms, like, he'll call me (he says) when he wants to hang out, but if i call him then i'm being too needy (and he did actually tell me this), so i just have to hope he calls.
and andrew. the guy who doesnt think i am what a girl should be, hasnt called me back from any of the 3 or 4 times i've called him over the past couple of weeks.
there is L7rules, who comments in my journal a lot (and i REALLY do appreciate that), but it's not like i've ever met him or anything.
and that's it.
that's all my friends.
i havent even gotten any calls from the sorority.
i cant fucking do this anymore. i cant be so fucking lonely all the time. i hate every moment of my life. and that's so sad. life should be enjoyed.