susannahjoy

so yeah. nick canceled again. the only thing about that that actually surprises me is that i was surprised and hurt. i really need to stop expecting anything from anyone. no one ever actually does what they say they will. i'm so fucking tired of being lied to all the fucking time. the moment that i start thinking that maybe i do have some friends then they all do something to prove me wrong. originally nick was going to come over to say bye to the kitties before i took them to the spca, but then i couldnt do that cuz they're too young, so then he was going to help me put up posters, but then when i called at 2:30 he was still sleeping, so he said he'd call me when he got up. then i called just a bit ago (at 7) and he was just getting back from his uncle's house and told me that there really wasnt any point in him coming over since i'll still have them for awhile. and chance (sinner7)hasnt bothered to call me back either, although i really wasnt expecting him to, so it didnt bother me too much that he didnt, although i still dont get why you would ask someone out and then not call, and then eventually call and say that we should do something and then not call again. it just seems easier to say "you know, you're just not my type. bye" and then there's andrew. fucking andrew. likes me enough to fool around with, but wont talk to me in public.

what is so wrong with me that it makes everyone i know treat me like shit? why cant i just have someone nice in my life who actually cares about me?