susannahjoy

rawr.
so i've decided that i'm tired of trying to tell myself that there's nothing wrong with me. i think i should just accept that there is something wrong with me and just hope that other people can accept it, cuz if they can't... well then i'm just screwed and have no hope of ever being in a meaningful relationship. and that's just too sad.
i dont know what to do about my precalc class. i've always been good at math. or at least, i've always been able to pass with little trouble. this whole failing miserably thing is totally new to me. i've never done so badly in school before. never! how am i going to get into med school if i can't even pass a fucking precalc class? maybe i'm just not smart enough to be a doctor. i dunno. it's really stressing me out.
i haven't been able to make any new friends either, which is not good. luckily i have manged to see a couple old friends, but still. i think i'm just setting myself up for failure though. i keep getting all these high hopes and dreams and most of them are impossible and then when they dont happen it totally devastates me. i was hoping that this quarter i could join clubs and be active and that then suddenly i'd make friends and then i wouldnt be so lonely. it's really not working out that way though. i am very appreciative to have andrew and nick, but i dont know if that's enough. i cant really talk to either of them about anything that's bothering me. *sigh*
whatever. this is all stupid.