susannahjoy

ugh, these drugs make me sick. i dont know if i'll be able to keep takign them. i mean, i like feeling sick cuz then it means that i dont eat and i've lost a couple pounds already, but i dont think that's really the healthiest thing to do, physically or mentally. we'll see.

colin just called. i called him last night and he told...
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yeah so my doctor told me that i need to lose about 10 lbs. see! i told you i'm fat! i dont know why everyone feels the need to lie and say that i'm not, but whatever.

i feel sick. i dont think i can take my meds on an empty stomach. i feel like ing.

hmm... yeah that's about it.

so has anyone here ever been on celexa? any thoughts about it? i met with some guy yesterday and he gave me that. and some sleeping pills. i'm hoping it'll help... he seemed to know what he was talking about. i think he was a nurse practioner (which is practically a doctor) who specializes in psych meds. well, i know that's what he specializes in....
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yeah so i got some drugs for crazy people yesterday. we'll see if they help at all. and yeah, suddenly i dont feel like updating this. so i'm just gonna stop now.

so yeah. i think i need to break it off with colin. i'm just realyl tired of the mixed messages and lying and everything else that he does. i complained that i never get to see him during the weekends cuz he's always with her, so he says "ok, well i have the next weekend completely off, which isnt going to happen again until after...
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i'm sick. not even on purpose this time!

yeah so apparently his idea of spending the weekend with me is having a bbq that i cant go to with katie. great. i feel so fucking special. asshole.

i think i'm gonna go throw up again.

he's with katie now. again. as always. i mean, really, what does it matter if i'm sick? why the fuck...
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i hate "enhanced" cds. they are obnoxious. so now, instead of listening to my new cd, i have to wait for it to download all the software first, then i have to use their player, i cant use my own. it's bullshit. grrs!! i just want to listen to some music!!

and i'm still upset from last night, which is a bad sign. shouldn't i...
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i so cannot handle this. what am i going to do??

i have decided that i do not like working two jobs at once. but i like getting paid for working two jobs at once. luckily, by the time i leave big 5 (last day is on the 22nd) i will be serving at og, so i'll be making the same for half the work. awesome.

*yawn* nothing like porn first thing in the morning! or at least, first thing when i get up. it's not really early morning anymore.

anyway.

yesterday me and colin and my sister and her baby went shopping and then played monopoly. poor colin, we probably spent about an hour and a half looking at baby clothes. he kept insisting that he was fine though, he...
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i'm lonely and depressed and drunk cuz i was too lonely and depressed. tomorrow i'm hanging out with colin, which is nice i guess, except that for the last coupel of nights he's been with katie, and oh yes, next weekend, they are going SAILING together. what the fuck? that's so not fair. how am i supposed to compete with a girl who has motorcycles,...
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i'm watching a movie about killer ants in alaska. it's awseome. i may have to go buy it. yup.

umm... yes.

i need to find out what's going on tonight. i'm afraid that katie will already have colin, but whatever, i can make other plans with teresa or amber. hopefully. if i cant then i'm going to go up to tehachapi. i need to pick...
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