surviveconquer35

Feel like such a downer today. i know there are alot of people out there who have it worse than me, but my life just dosent feel right. ive been really depressed. It feels like my girlfriend isn't committed. She lives 4 hours south of me, and ive visited her twice in a row now. She hasent come up to wisconsin since christmas. i miss her and it feels like shes been giving me the cold shoulder. just changed her profile pic today to one thats pretty provocative, i talked to her about it and she dosent understand. She dosent get where im coming from. I should just break up with her but i love her. i work at fucking walmart, making a little bit more than minimum wage. poor as hell and it doesn't look like it will be changing anytime soon. my grandma who im really close to is sic, has cancer and hasn't been herself lately.its scaring me. Im on probation and will be for another couple months even on my 21st birthday i wont be able to go out.All of my friends are gone off to school and probably wont be coming back home for the summer. IM lost and i dont know what to do. i dont think i would ever hurt myself but sometimes i cant really find a reason to live. Shits fucked and theres no way in hell im taking any ssri's or other form of drug for depression. Blah. i just feel like sleeping. i feel like a cry baby whiner. FUCK THIS WORLD