surfbetty

Ya know...I always fuck things up in life....I have I guess a self destructive nature to me and I just can't shake it...I've hurt some people recently most of all my husband...I feel awful about it...but in my mind life is about keeping score...I think it is more a subconcious thing...I dunno what I am trying to say....maybe tha I am sorry to all the people in my life I have hurt or wronged...I really want to have a fresh start ...hence the job, school in the fall and maybe a different outlook on life....we will see I suppose...god I feel like pouring my heart out but keeping all botteled up at the same time....These are some very challenging days....