sureality

Another day.

The brain is still buzzing, and the heart swollen with pain, it's just a lot duller.

It's strange how desaturated the world is lately. It makes me realize how truly happy I was. I'm a lucky bastard for having it as much as I did.

Can't wait till the new years has come and shit is back to normal. No one is around and it's just way to quiet.

My dreams continue to be as violent as ever. You all wonder why my work is as dark as it is...well there is your answer. The shit your subconscious pulls on you can be friggin brilliant. I go under now prepped and bracing myself for it, and it tricks me, guiding me in the right position to get hit by that bus again, and again, and again.

If there is one thing I'm learning lately is that trauma is a motherfucker. It really messes with everything. Its funny how much movies haven't done it justice. You always see some guy or girl moping around, depressed and you at home end up just rolling your eyes.

I wish it was that easy.

They never address the random stomach turns, panic attacks, or overall metal exhaustion. You see a war vet in a wheel chair sitting quietly by himself, hateful of others, maybe he cry's often, when the truth is that guy missing his arm should forget that is gone. He reaches for a beer and "the bus hits him again". He should just lean over and puke. Note to self...going into a movie.