supersudz

so, i've been worrying about something for a while and trying really hard to ignore it. ignoring it, however, has not made it go away and now i'm afraid its getting worse.

i think my cancer has come back. i noticed some of the symptoms about 6 weeks ago and tried to dismiss it. now i'm fairly certain. i'm weak, my muscles all ache, i'm cramping and my appetite has changed.

i've scheduled a doctor's visit. i know that there are other explanations but, inside, i know.

i can't handle another biopsy. i can't have another surgery. they told me they caught it early and that i could be cured. its not fair.

i don't want my mother or brother to worry about this. i don't know if my boyfriend can handle it.

i know nothing is certain yet. the appointment is in a week and i'll know if i'm right when the tests come back after that. i know i shouldn't worry, that i should stay positive and deal with it when i know more.

i just don't know how not to worry. i know what it means if it has come back. i don't know if i'm strong enough to go through it again.

i've been having nightmares. i'm scared.