On being scared of death:
" When I die, I die. I could give a shit, 'cause it ain't my problem. I'd rather just not shit my pants on the way there," is a line I had heard him say more than a few times.... I wanted that attitude. I wanted to understand how he could be so cavalier about death.
So one morning when i was in college and he was eating Grape Nuts at the kitchen table and reading the newspaper, I sat down next to him and poured myself a bowl. After crunching our way through two suggested daily portions of natural whole grain wheat and barley, I spoke up...
'Hey dad, I've a question.'
He peered over the newspaper to look at me...
'What is it?', he asked.
I began a very roundabout way of getting to the point, philosophizing about religion and the possibilities of heaven and hell, until he cut me off... "Is there a question somewhere on the fucking horizon?"
"What do you think happens after you are dead?"
He put his paper down and scooped a big soggy bite of Grape Nuts and said, "Well. It's nothingness for eternity." Then he picked up his paper and started reading again....
"What do you mean 'nothingness'?" I said as I felt my heart beat faster...
He put down the paper and said:
"Nothingness, you know. Nothing. Like you can't even describe it because it's not anything. I don't know, if it makes you feel better, just picture infinite darkness. No sound. No nothing. How's that?".
..."How do you know that? You don't know that, it's just your opinion," I said.
"Nope. Not my opinion. That's what happens. Fact," he replied.
I coud feel I was about to pass out, so I stumbled towards my mom and she asked if something was wrong.
She said, "you look terrible! what happened?" she said patting the bed by her side, ushering me to sit down. I told her what dad had said and she tried to calm me by saying, "obviously he has never been dead, and therefore does not know what happens after you die."
"Yeah.... I guess you're right," I said.
My dad entered the room at that moment, and my mom looked at him sternly in the eye and said, "Tell him that you have no idea what happens after you die. He knows it already; just admit it."
"I will not. I know exactly what happens. And that is what happens." And he left the room...
After tossing and turing that night, i decided I couldn't sleep. I left my room to encounter dad eating Grape Nuts at 0530..... He asked me to sit down, so I did...
"Do you know the great part about infinity?" he said.
"No."
"It's never over. You, your body, the energy inside it, it all goes somewhere, even after you die. You're never gone."
"So you think we'll live forever, like a ghost and all that stuff?"
"NO! Jesus Christ!!!! You need to take a fucking science course or something! What I'm trying to say is, what makes you up, it has always been around, and it will always be around. So really, the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living.... Dying is the easy part."
" When I die, I die. I could give a shit, 'cause it ain't my problem. I'd rather just not shit my pants on the way there," is a line I had heard him say more than a few times.... I wanted that attitude. I wanted to understand how he could be so cavalier about death.
So one morning when i was in college and he was eating Grape Nuts at the kitchen table and reading the newspaper, I sat down next to him and poured myself a bowl. After crunching our way through two suggested daily portions of natural whole grain wheat and barley, I spoke up...
'Hey dad, I've a question.'
He peered over the newspaper to look at me...
'What is it?', he asked.
I began a very roundabout way of getting to the point, philosophizing about religion and the possibilities of heaven and hell, until he cut me off... "Is there a question somewhere on the fucking horizon?"
"What do you think happens after you are dead?"
He put his paper down and scooped a big soggy bite of Grape Nuts and said, "Well. It's nothingness for eternity." Then he picked up his paper and started reading again....
"What do you mean 'nothingness'?" I said as I felt my heart beat faster...
He put down the paper and said:
"Nothingness, you know. Nothing. Like you can't even describe it because it's not anything. I don't know, if it makes you feel better, just picture infinite darkness. No sound. No nothing. How's that?".
..."How do you know that? You don't know that, it's just your opinion," I said.
"Nope. Not my opinion. That's what happens. Fact," he replied.
I coud feel I was about to pass out, so I stumbled towards my mom and she asked if something was wrong.
She said, "you look terrible! what happened?" she said patting the bed by her side, ushering me to sit down. I told her what dad had said and she tried to calm me by saying, "obviously he has never been dead, and therefore does not know what happens after you die."
"Yeah.... I guess you're right," I said.
My dad entered the room at that moment, and my mom looked at him sternly in the eye and said, "Tell him that you have no idea what happens after you die. He knows it already; just admit it."
"I will not. I know exactly what happens. And that is what happens." And he left the room...
After tossing and turing that night, i decided I couldn't sleep. I left my room to encounter dad eating Grape Nuts at 0530..... He asked me to sit down, so I did...
"Do you know the great part about infinity?" he said.
"No."
"It's never over. You, your body, the energy inside it, it all goes somewhere, even after you die. You're never gone."
"So you think we'll live forever, like a ghost and all that stuff?"
"NO! Jesus Christ!!!! You need to take a fucking science course or something! What I'm trying to say is, what makes you up, it has always been around, and it will always be around. So really, the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living.... Dying is the easy part."
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
zadia:
Ahhhhh, a blog with substance.
maninthebox:
Necessary..