The ellipses that comprised the entirety of my previous post was me trying to avoid a long, painful emotional rant.
I've been unsuccessful, though, since here it comes:
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I've got a lot of problems in my life.
No, scratch that.
I've got a lot of problems in my mind. I'm not happy with my job, or my school, or my social life. But these aren't faults with those things, necessarily, but rather with how I perceive them. "The fault, dear Brutus, lies not with the stars but with ourselves"
Take today, for example. I took the day off work, went to go see 4 good basketball games live and in person, complete with family and friends. Then, I came home, poured myself a warm bath and a rum & coke, and relaxed. I even got in a little WoW.
Sounds like a good day, no? But yet, I'm still feeling awful. I'm feeling like no one loves me, and that no one ever will. I'm feeling like my situation is hopeless. I'm feeling like my life is getting nowhere, and that I'm struggling as hard as I can to maintain my current existence.
And I don't know what to do, either.
The worst part is, my friends keep bearing the brunt of my sturggle to keep myself afloat. These self-pitying rants aren't even the half of it. I try, but I'm nowhere near as good a friend as I try to be.
Coliwali once wrote that no one he knew tried as hard as I did to be a good person. What he kindly left out is that I try, but fail pretty badly.
Anyway, I suspect that I'm too iatrophobic to ever see a psychiatrist, and I don't know where else to turn for help. My parents.... I can't count on them accepting who I am. My friends have had to deal with this for too long. Certainly, my company wouldn't give a rats' ass. And I've never met a counselor at a college that was worth a damn. Any suggestions?
I guess the previous paragraph is me admitting I need some kind of help. Certainly at the very least I need some kind of serious ego-boost, so I'll actually feel allright about myself.
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Maybe when I get up tomorrow, I'll feel poetic again.
-----
If you lived through that rant, go look at something funny! You deserve it.
I've been unsuccessful, though, since here it comes:
-----
I've got a lot of problems in my life.
No, scratch that.
I've got a lot of problems in my mind. I'm not happy with my job, or my school, or my social life. But these aren't faults with those things, necessarily, but rather with how I perceive them. "The fault, dear Brutus, lies not with the stars but with ourselves"
Take today, for example. I took the day off work, went to go see 4 good basketball games live and in person, complete with family and friends. Then, I came home, poured myself a warm bath and a rum & coke, and relaxed. I even got in a little WoW.
Sounds like a good day, no? But yet, I'm still feeling awful. I'm feeling like no one loves me, and that no one ever will. I'm feeling like my situation is hopeless. I'm feeling like my life is getting nowhere, and that I'm struggling as hard as I can to maintain my current existence.
And I don't know what to do, either.
The worst part is, my friends keep bearing the brunt of my sturggle to keep myself afloat. These self-pitying rants aren't even the half of it. I try, but I'm nowhere near as good a friend as I try to be.
Coliwali once wrote that no one he knew tried as hard as I did to be a good person. What he kindly left out is that I try, but fail pretty badly.
Anyway, I suspect that I'm too iatrophobic to ever see a psychiatrist, and I don't know where else to turn for help. My parents.... I can't count on them accepting who I am. My friends have had to deal with this for too long. Certainly, my company wouldn't give a rats' ass. And I've never met a counselor at a college that was worth a damn. Any suggestions?
I guess the previous paragraph is me admitting I need some kind of help. Certainly at the very least I need some kind of serious ego-boost, so I'll actually feel allright about myself.
-----
Maybe when I get up tomorrow, I'll feel poetic again.
-----
If you lived through that rant, go look at something funny! You deserve it.
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I love that guy.