superficial

yesterday sucked. not just because my friend cancelled out on me, because he got stuck working late... not just because i ended up going out alone again and not finding anyone to talk to... not just because i just don't feel like doing anything i ever wanted to do before... not because my car is making funny noises... not because i can't get my mind off of how fucked up i let my life get... but, because i am stupid... and did something i shouldn't have done. i'm a glutton for punishment.

"meaningless, insignificant"

i stared into the pit.
and there she was...
holding her place
among the endless balls of fire.

"it sure is comfortable up here,"
i called down to her,
"aren't you sorry now?"

she bit her tongue
as she spit out the words i knew she didn't mean,
"no, i would never take it back for anything."

"you can't be serious,
i know you much better than that,"
replied i, stupefied.

"you never knew shit,"
she replied in that smug little voice.
the one that i always loved.
until now.

i stepped back, just out of view.
"what did she mean by that?"

of course, i knew exactly what she meant.
that's why she said it.
she was always good at that.

i leaned back over the edge.
she had moved forward a place
in the endless line.
meaningless, insignificant.

she was looking down.
she always looked down.
i liked that about her.

only know i know what it was she looked at
when she looked down.
i always thought it was because she was clumsy
and didn't want to trip and fall.

i looked down too...
and i saw me.