superfall

My goddaughter and her mom have gone home. I loved having my goddaughter Caitlyn here, but her mother had to GO! I'm so tired of being used by her. I can't see what ever attracted me to her. In trying to look at her sexually, all I could conjur up was repulsion.

I don't know what to do about Amy. I'm still stuck on her, but I don't know what to do or where she's coming from. I feel worn out and tired about it, but I can't seem to get her out of my mind. It amazes me that she doesn't see how beautiful she is. I told her this morning how good she looked in what was just a tank top and sweats and she goes on that I'm crazy, that she just got out of bed. Doesn't she realize that when you're truly beautiful, you don't have to be dressed up or made up to look good. You make bad moments look good. I feel she's very down on herself and insecure in a lot of ways. I think that's why she hangs around so many people that seem to be wastes. Not that they don't have some redeeming qualities, but most of them sound like they're drunk half the time, or on drugs, or in and out of jail. I think Amy gets some sort of good feeling in helping them and in realizing that she's better than them, yet she can't shake them because she's worried she isn't good enough for any other type.