I miss Amy.
I get to see her everyday at work, but things have changed. I miss the way we used to cut up. I miss the way if felt like we had our little secret. I miss asking her what color her panties are. I miss our midnight conversations where we would talk about work, friends, life, ourselves and feel connected even though we weren't in the same room. It was almost like we were in the same bed, but we weren't. I miss the feel of her body snuggling into mine to find warmth. I miss her.
Well, today ends day one of the no rub out marathon. I admit today wasn't too hard because I've felt like I've got a cold which drains me anyways. I also haven't smoked since Saturday morning making it 2 and a half days. Again, the cold could be helping.
I had a long talk with Amy Chesley (Caitlyn's mom) on Saturday evening. I don't know if she realizes how hypocritical she sounds when she's talking to me about how her mom and sister and uncle use her for money and how they keep trying to milk her. Then the scary part, she brought up that she's been thinking about the offer I made her last year that if it got too rough, she and Caitlyn could live with me. She's getting fed up with her mom which was one of the two main reasons we didn't work out as a couple. Okay, three. Her mom, she didn't want to have any other children, and she didn't feel for me like I felt for her. Now I look back and wonder what kind of rebound was I on that I left a marriage where I was used, to try and get into a relationship with her where I would have been used. Well, worse than I am now.
I just seem to have lost my patience with her. However, along with that my list of friends seems to be dwindling.
Either way, I'm looking forward to Caitlyn coming up and then my parents shortly after that.
I get to see her everyday at work, but things have changed. I miss the way we used to cut up. I miss the way if felt like we had our little secret. I miss asking her what color her panties are. I miss our midnight conversations where we would talk about work, friends, life, ourselves and feel connected even though we weren't in the same room. It was almost like we were in the same bed, but we weren't. I miss the feel of her body snuggling into mine to find warmth. I miss her.
Well, today ends day one of the no rub out marathon. I admit today wasn't too hard because I've felt like I've got a cold which drains me anyways. I also haven't smoked since Saturday morning making it 2 and a half days. Again, the cold could be helping.
I had a long talk with Amy Chesley (Caitlyn's mom) on Saturday evening. I don't know if she realizes how hypocritical she sounds when she's talking to me about how her mom and sister and uncle use her for money and how they keep trying to milk her. Then the scary part, she brought up that she's been thinking about the offer I made her last year that if it got too rough, she and Caitlyn could live with me. She's getting fed up with her mom which was one of the two main reasons we didn't work out as a couple. Okay, three. Her mom, she didn't want to have any other children, and she didn't feel for me like I felt for her. Now I look back and wonder what kind of rebound was I on that I left a marriage where I was used, to try and get into a relationship with her where I would have been used. Well, worse than I am now.
I just seem to have lost my patience with her. However, along with that my list of friends seems to be dwindling.
Either way, I'm looking forward to Caitlyn coming up and then my parents shortly after that.