superfall

I'm headed to my companies corporate show in Connecticut at the Mohegan Sun. It's a lot of work, but it's a lot of fun too. Also, it's a break from the ordinary grind. I'll be gone for a full week.

While I'm there, I'll do my best to mingle, but my hearts not in it. Even if I were to "hook up" with someone I doubt I'd be able to perform. I'm still too focused on Amy. I know I should move on, but I just can't seem to. The ache has receded somewhat, but it doesn't take much to cause it to flare back up again. I'm still smoking when it gets too much. At home I just work out. I only smoke at work and it's become a sort of joke. I don't think most of the people know what's going on. Some have made the comment that it must be stress, but they think it's because of our show.

I know she doesn't feel for me the same way I do her. She see's me as a friend that can be fun sometimes. It takes everything for me not to take her in my arms everytime I stand behind her at her desk. I constantly want to touch her, to feel connected. I'd rather we not date if there's no hope of her feelings being deeper than friendship, but it still keeps me awake at night yearning that it was different.