superfall

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I feel like a part of me is missing. I find it hard to hear Amy laugh or talk on the phone to friends when she's in the office. I know she doesn't feel the same way I do, but that sort of seems to throw it in my face. Now I've become a whiny bitch begging for her to change her mind. I don't blame her for not changing it though.

In one hand I keep hoping she'll change her mind. In another I hope she will just totally cut the ties with me so I can finish suffering and try and move on. I'm not looking forward to trying the online dating thing again. It's such a pain. I don't trust it, but I feel I need to do something so I'm not just moping around.

I've got to stop smoking. It's been helpful in getting me past the worst of the stomach flip flops I've been experienced working with Amy the last two weeks, but I could see it getting habit forming too easily.