I'm in a weird state right now. Things have improved with Amy. We've reached a tacit understanding, but I'm still in the dark on things. I know there are a lot of things going on in her life right now, so I am trying to keep from adding to it. I've mentioned that we need to discuss us, but she's told me a couple of times that now isn't the time. I'll be patient about it, but the one thing I learned with my failed marriage is that if you don't communicate and you assume, then small things build up into big problems and problems are created where there were none to start.
One thing that drives me slightly nuts is how we'll discuss tentative plans and then nothing happens because something else comes up. It's my anal rententive self coming out I guess. I love to plan everything out and while I try to stay open when I'm on vacation, I do set myself some daily goals that I try to accomplish. What gets me sometimes is I could have done something, but I kept myself free because of what we discussed. Again, this is one of those little things that could lead up to something big if not discussed.
I admit to still being vexed about not knowing where she lives, but she'll show me in her own time. Right now she has enough home issues without trying to introduce me into the mix. I do think I'm gaining ground with her son though and that's good. I like him.
Like most of my partners in the past, she doesn't communicate what she likes and doesn't like. I hate to seem like I'm playing 20 questions and so I depend on some of the sounds she makes to determine if I'm doing something right or not. That's not the best way to be certain. Too many people don't want to be vocal at that time and I admit it takes some concentration for me to talk during that time. I still suffer from performance anxiety with her. I want to make it as pleasurable for her as I can and it has made me, so far, unable to reach a happy finish myself in most instances. I don't want her to feel like it's her. As we get more comfortable, it will come (no pun intended). In fact, I probably won't be able to sustain some of the repitition that I've been able to maintain up to now once we do reach that mutual comfort level.
I love when we are intimate, but even moreso, I love to hold her in my arms. I love the look on her face as she sleeps, the feel of her body on mine as she rests. I want to run my fingers through her hair (but that drives her nuts
) She is a caring person, fun to be with, beautiful, but not vain, and someone I want to be with every moment that I can. I find myself jealous which is uncommon for me. I wasn't even jealous when I was married. I really am wanting us to go to the next level, but I don't want to push her or cause her to close up. I have no agenda and I don't need or want anybody else, so I can afford to be patient awhile.
One thing that drives me slightly nuts is how we'll discuss tentative plans and then nothing happens because something else comes up. It's my anal rententive self coming out I guess. I love to plan everything out and while I try to stay open when I'm on vacation, I do set myself some daily goals that I try to accomplish. What gets me sometimes is I could have done something, but I kept myself free because of what we discussed. Again, this is one of those little things that could lead up to something big if not discussed.
I admit to still being vexed about not knowing where she lives, but she'll show me in her own time. Right now she has enough home issues without trying to introduce me into the mix. I do think I'm gaining ground with her son though and that's good. I like him.
Like most of my partners in the past, she doesn't communicate what she likes and doesn't like. I hate to seem like I'm playing 20 questions and so I depend on some of the sounds she makes to determine if I'm doing something right or not. That's not the best way to be certain. Too many people don't want to be vocal at that time and I admit it takes some concentration for me to talk during that time. I still suffer from performance anxiety with her. I want to make it as pleasurable for her as I can and it has made me, so far, unable to reach a happy finish myself in most instances. I don't want her to feel like it's her. As we get more comfortable, it will come (no pun intended). In fact, I probably won't be able to sustain some of the repitition that I've been able to maintain up to now once we do reach that mutual comfort level.
I love when we are intimate, but even moreso, I love to hold her in my arms. I love the look on her face as she sleeps, the feel of her body on mine as she rests. I want to run my fingers through her hair (but that drives her nuts
) She is a caring person, fun to be with, beautiful, but not vain, and someone I want to be with every moment that I can. I find myself jealous which is uncommon for me. I wasn't even jealous when I was married. I really am wanting us to go to the next level, but I don't want to push her or cause her to close up. I have no agenda and I don't need or want anybody else, so I can afford to be patient awhile.