I've really been thinking a lot this week about Amy and me (as you can tell from all of the blogs). A couple of things that I've decided on or I've had trouble letting Amy know have come clear.
First, I know that she thinks it's unfair that I wait on her situation to get better. The reality is that I'm not waiting. I was not actively looking for a relationship when we talked. That's one reason too that it took so long for me to say anything. I don't have a lot to offer someone right now. Given a couple more years to pay off some of my bills and get my credit back in line, then I'd be on the "hunt"as it were. With Amy, that didn't seem to matter much to her and I find her admirable and extremely attractive. That's why I took the leap. It wasn't for sex (although I can't wait to fuck her and my brains out). I've gone long stretches without. If I'm not in a relationship, then not having sex isn't a big deal. If I am in a relationship then not having sex IS a big deal. However, we haven't even had sex yet. We've fooled around and started intercourse once (which I still feel guilty over because I can't get it out of my mind that I forced her). That doesn't really count as an "intimate relationship" we've basically become close friends (which I charish and I hope continues no matter what happens).
The other thing is that we haven't taken that leap into becoming a "couple". To do that would have meant having an intimate relationship. Maybe she would see us differently if that had happened. However, what I believe is that in her mind she wouldn't have wanted to make me suffer and would have broken up with me to deal with things. That would have been devistating. I'd rather have the half a loaf I have now than none if that had happened.
I don't talk much about us to family. I mention that I'm seeing her (because my mother worries about her little boy). However, from the little I have said, my family has marked that I light up. My mother out of the blue told me that "maybe she's the one for you". That is way early to say, especially give the situation. I do believe the potential for us is there. I only hope that she gives us a chance.
First, I know that she thinks it's unfair that I wait on her situation to get better. The reality is that I'm not waiting. I was not actively looking for a relationship when we talked. That's one reason too that it took so long for me to say anything. I don't have a lot to offer someone right now. Given a couple more years to pay off some of my bills and get my credit back in line, then I'd be on the "hunt"as it were. With Amy, that didn't seem to matter much to her and I find her admirable and extremely attractive. That's why I took the leap. It wasn't for sex (although I can't wait to fuck her and my brains out). I've gone long stretches without. If I'm not in a relationship, then not having sex isn't a big deal. If I am in a relationship then not having sex IS a big deal. However, we haven't even had sex yet. We've fooled around and started intercourse once (which I still feel guilty over because I can't get it out of my mind that I forced her). That doesn't really count as an "intimate relationship" we've basically become close friends (which I charish and I hope continues no matter what happens).
The other thing is that we haven't taken that leap into becoming a "couple". To do that would have meant having an intimate relationship. Maybe she would see us differently if that had happened. However, what I believe is that in her mind she wouldn't have wanted to make me suffer and would have broken up with me to deal with things. That would have been devistating. I'd rather have the half a loaf I have now than none if that had happened.
I don't talk much about us to family. I mention that I'm seeing her (because my mother worries about her little boy). However, from the little I have said, my family has marked that I light up. My mother out of the blue told me that "maybe she's the one for you". That is way early to say, especially give the situation. I do believe the potential for us is there. I only hope that she gives us a chance.