superfall

Everything at work has snowballed. It seems to be spiriling out of control. One of the problems with having debts is the inability to say fuck it and leave when a job conflicts with your ethics and or morals. That was a position I told myself I would never get into again, but here I am.

I rarely drink, but tonight I finished off half a fifth of Jack Daniels to take the edge off. This is the second time in two weeks that I came home with a feeling that I needed a drink. That is something else I always told myself I wouldn't do.

The last thing I need to do is increase my debts, but I'm scheduled for laser surgery on my eyes this week. I've waited twenty years for this and I can't turn away. During my long weekend to recuperate I'm going to update my resume and start posting it. While I'm making more money than I ever have before, it's not worth it. Especially when I know the person I replaced was making almost twice what I am with no more education and not much more experience.

This weekend I got to thinking of that Rolling Stones song " I see a red door and I want to paint it black". It's always been a theme to my depression when it seizes me.